Recently, my partner needed to replace his iPhone due to the screen coming apart. Apple in Oakbrook opens on Sunday at 11 am. We arrived fifteen minutes early during a pouring rain. Outside, an employee took names for reservations for a technical person to help Bill with his phone. Apple management thought this would prevent folks from rushing in and help the customer and the staff manage the flow.

By the time 11 am came around, at least 20 folks waited to get in. How many times have you stood in front of a store waiting to get in amid confusion followed by a mad stampede! Apple deserves five stars for customer service. We were also waited on and taken care quickly with a new replacement phone in just 35 minutes.

In everyday communications, when there is no conflict, leading by example is easy. It is when conflicts arise and extreme differences of opinion emerge, that a true leader takes charge by example while taking the high road:

The No’s
No name calling
No assigning blames
No screaming or shouting
No using social media to air out differences

The Do’s
Do stay calm
Do take a breath and think before speaking
Do listen before speaking
Do ask about solutions
Do bring in support for both sides of the discussion

Understanding cultural differences and similarities helps bridge communications. For example, I am a first-generation Chinese born and raised in Chicago and sometimes work with natural born Chinese (born in China) even though the individual may be in the US for an extended time.

We may look and even sound similar, but we think and communicate very differently. I am  direct, a distinctly US quality. Individuals from another culture may agree even though they disagree to save face. The main similarity is that we both want to succeed but get there in different manners. To connect and avoid a saving face situation, present a solution in a way that will achieve the main goal.

Volunteering is wonderful because it provides so many benefits to the volunteer and the organization.

For the volunteer, socialization, networking, teamwork, and in many cases, leadership development opportunities exist. The organization gets extra set of hands, another point of view, and awareness to others outside the organization.

I have benefited tremendously with my involvement with Toastmasters, AICI, the Chicago Minority Development Council, DuPage College, and the Graham Association for People with Disabilities. All help me in my work with corporations.

How many times do you have to deal with unreasonable demands? The real question is knowing ways to navigate these requests to meet them in a reasonable time frame without sacrificing  current activities.

The key is to agree and disagree at the same time by asking the questions: What can be delayed? How important is this request? What is the real time frame for this project? Instead of panicking and / or causing stress between all parties, stay calm and strategize the timelines.

A firm handshake:
1. Creates a first-time bond
2. Starts a relationship
3. Enables the other person to begin to know you
4. Says confidence
5. Allows sharing of a personal space
6. Is usually the only time one touches another person at work

This firm handshake is the initiator of hopefully a fruitful relationship beginning.

Good conversations while dining with a client are important in forging relationships. The main folks to focus on are the individuals to the right and left of you. If the noise level is low, include both parties in the discussion.

Refrain from conversing to someone directly across the table especially if the table sits ten. The rule is to never discuss religion, politics or intimate personal issues. If asked about any of these subjects, it is best to deflect and begin a new topic and always err on the inclusive side.

Recently, I was with a group of professional men and women. One of the women turned to me and asked how I knew so much about sports, the stock market, etc. Being fortunate enough to have clients in several sectors, including the automobile industry, I found that small talk is critical to forging relationships.

Talking about diets, weight gain, or the latest color unless it is for a uniform project, would not be of interest. Not now or ever, in fact, due to the volatile political climate, is politics considered small talk.

My five favorite books that provide the professional and personal skills and insights on building relationships are:

• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey
• The Tipping Point – Malcom Gladwell
• Blink – Malcom Gladwell
• Start with Why – Simon Sinek
• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Seven key behaviors that make a good manager / team leader include:

1. Caring for the area
2. Sharing the spotlight
3. Expressing confidence in decision making
4. Allowing the group to function as a team
5. Accepting a wrong decision
6. Staying available
7. Avoiding any hint of bullying behavior

Often, high potential executives possess these qualities. They help employees excel and leaders thrive from the demonstration of these leadership skills.