A loss, whether the death of a family member or loss of a job, is difficult for everyone involved. Most desire to give comfort. That could mean not saying anything but instead giving a hug (if you are close). Other words are I am sorry for your loss or for this difficult time. Never give the impression you understand what they are going through because you are not them. Offer your comfort simply and with empathy.

It is not acceptable to hold hands in a professional setting. Touching is allowed if you have permission to help someone up and down stairs by using your hand to support an elbow. Patting someone on their shoulder or arms is not acceptable. Hugging only works with peers when there is a long-term relationship and permission has been asked and granted.

A firm handshake:
1. Creates a first-time bond
2. Starts a relationship
3. Enables the other person to begin to know you
4. Says confidence
5. Allows sharing of a personal space
6. Is usually the only time one touches another person at work

This firm handshake is the initiator of hopefully a fruitful relationship beginning.

It is critical to get feedback and use it to strengthen a project or program. A client shared the three questions she asks her students in a class she teaches about feedback. The questions are simple, non-threatening, but very effective. They are:

– What would you like to start?
– What would you like me to stop doing?
– What would you like me to continue to do?

Good conversations while dining with a client are important in forging relationships. The main folks to focus on are the individuals to the right and left of you. If the noise level is low, include both parties in the discussion.

Refrain from conversing to someone directly across the table especially if the table sits ten. The rule is to never discuss religion, politics or intimate personal issues. If asked about any of these subjects, it is best to deflect and begin a new topic and always err on the inclusive side.

Recently, I was with a group of professional men and women. One of the women turned to me and asked how I knew so much about sports, the stock market, etc. Being fortunate enough to have clients in several sectors, including the automobile industry, I found that small talk is critical to forging relationships.

Talking about diets, weight gain, or the latest color unless it is for a uniform project, would not be of interest. Not now or ever, in fact, due to the volatile political climate, is politics considered small talk.

The personal space standard, when standing with a person or groups in conversation, is one arm’s length. Business today continues to be gender neutral with sensitivity whether in formal or casual settings. The only touch would be a handshake depending the culture of the individuals involved. This guideline is even more important today to prevent any misunderstandings.

At a recent social function, my phone was being passed around to show a picture recently taken of the group. A person in the photo had possession of the phone and decided to email the picture out.

The only one allowed to send pictures out is the person who owns the phone or the one s / he gives permission to perform that function. With the unpredictability of social media today and the lack of privacy, releasing a picture should have the permission of everyone in it prior to sending it out or posting the photo on Facebook.

A potential landmine during the season of cheer is the company or client holiday party. This is a time meant to build relationships not destroy or put them on life support.

It is a time not to drink or talk too much. Always remember to smile and refrain from discussing politics or religion. Avoid pouring your heart out or telling secrets to your boss or a colleague. Just build relationships.

Recently, I was at an event with a group and a friend greeted me. He looked confused on how to start shaking hands or even to say hello. This was a social gathering and everyone was friends.

Always begin left to right when greeting a large group. The only time you don’t use the left to right process is in a business situation where you begin with the most important person in the group. It can be the client or the most senior person in the room. Hugs are only allowed with permission. This also holds true when making introductions.