Have you known folks who have the death stare? It’s when someone stares at another with a look that makes you want to shrink down in their seat in terror. (Examples are actors, Kristen Stewart and Sir Patrick Stewart.)  A death stare is different than a poker face. It is more about the eyes that go right through you. Check it out with your friends; ask them what your eyes say. The death stare  has more impact than any words. Use it wisely. (Doris Day never had a death stare while Joan Crawford did.)

Today, I was at the Judicial Courthouse supporting a friend going through a difficult time. In the building, the only folks who can use a cell phone are attorneys. While in the elevator, I noticed a young woman wearing dressy open toe sandals (more for night wear), very worn jeans and a makeshift jacket who tossed hair and shifted her armload of papers and began using her phone. I casually asked, “You must be an attorney? “Yes,” she replied. I was thinking OMG.

When I got off the elevator, I saw that my friends’ attorney was wearing a lightweight dark suit, modern under pining and great ALG flats. She had long hair and was beautifully groomed.

We saw an attorney (with a phone in her hands) on another elevator ride who gave off an air of poise and confidence. I would hire her in a minute.

My friend thought maybe the first attorney I saw was only an associate. That may be true but it is still no excuse; you always want to look like you are ready to take the next step.

Why are we surprised when we see actresses and actors who look short in real life? That’s because on the screen, their clothing has been tailored to scale to give an impression of greater height.

I like to stretch accessory guidelines. I have been told many times that only certain items should be worn on tall folks and short people. For instance, the rule is that a short person should never have cuffs on their slacks. Also, a tie on a shorter man should be worn slightly longer than appear too short. However, I feel that if the proportions are working and the accessories look good, that usually works no matter what the person is wearing.

Stretching the guidelines on accessories can make an outfit truly stand out.

“Don’t be afraid to go for positions, jobs or take on clients just outside of your knowledge base. Confidence is overrated. It is when we most uncomfortable and looking for answers that we learn and grow the most.” Barbara Corocoran

Confidence is built by doing. The more you practice, the better you will get. I recently worked with a young, very smart CPA who practiced a presentation about the nuances of cultural differences between English speaking and non-English speaking folks. This also happened to be her first time speaking to a client group.

She did the hard work by practicing with me then did a dry run in her office. Not only did she ended up hitting a home run with the client, the Senior Vice President has asked her to speak at a regional conference!

I am probably going to date myself but hot pants with boots were the rage in the 70’s. Are they back? Hot pants featured fabric just two to three inches below the crotch. Today’s young and not so young women are wearing shorts that have no more than an inch of fabric covering their butts. It is not a pretty sight.

In fact, it’s totally inappropriate for business. A young woman was even fired for wearing these very short shorts. She was upset that there was not a dress policy addressing how short these pants should be. (Funny that young men are wearing shorts that hit their knees and hang way too long)

This is one reason why people in other countries see Americans as sloppy.

You may have heard the expression “musical chairs”… well, I have a new one “musical times”. This refers to individuals who continually move times and days for appointments because their schedules constantly change. In addition, folks who do this, never seem to arrive at the designated appointment times anyway.

This is the number one career killer in my mind. Being on time is being respectful and professional. Years ago, I was coaching with a number of account managers. While waiting in the executive dining room for the client, the hostess said while the clients were always on time, it was the managers who were always late.

When you are late, it sends a message your time is more important than the person you are meeting. Recently, I worked with coaching client who was always on time for scheduled appointments. I let her know how impressive it was and that it showed true leadership skills. The client told me that her staff and boss complimented her on it also.

Being on time sends a message you are managing your time effectively which is a the sign of a true professional.

Conference calls are a way of life in business, especially when dealing with global partners. Currently, many of my clients have clients who are not English speaking. We have developed a list of key points for English speaking folks to use when talking with those for whom English is not the native language, always:

1. Speak slowly.

2. Ask if he/she is the person handling this project.

3. Display patience on the conference call.

4. Repeat if there is silence after a question. (You may not have been understood.)

5. Be formal.

6. Use simple words.

7. Suggest you are following up instead of saying “We did not receive the papers.”

If possible, try to have at least one face to face meeting to get to know overseas clients. Establishing relationships is a very important lubricator for smooth business dealings, especially in the Asian culture.

Since their introduction, leggings have now grown into a staple for most women. Most pants, from jeans to dress pants, have gone slim and skinny. And if you look at what women are wearing today, probably almost 90% wear leggings to slim and skinny pants. The latest fashion craze taking hold is patterned leggings.

I understand patterned leggings with the right coordinated top can be a fun look for the gym and running. However, I do not feel they are appropriate for business casual or casual day at work.

Recently, I was with a client and her staff. The question came up about professional dress: Is it a requirement to wear a tie or can a sport jacket or suit be acceptable without a tie? Sometimes, clients are dressed without a jacket but always in a shirt and tie. What should they wear to always be acceptable and not under or overdressed?

In a first time meeting, always wear a full suit with a tie. If it is a very casual environment, a gray suit or a navy blazer with gray dress slacks can be worn instead. When making a first time presentation, it is suggested to always wear a blazer in very casual settings without a tie. You can always remove your tie or take off your jacket if the environment is very casual.

Walking in the first time in full dress sets the stage that you are the expert. It is more difficult to appear to be the professional if you come in with just a shirt and dress slacks because jackets always project the leader and subject matter expert look.

1. Not having several personal introductions

2. Not having an ice breaker to start the conversation

3. Not having a business card

4. Not mixing with more than one group (or staying too long in conversation with one group)

5. Not listening enough (non-stop talking)

6. Not asking how, when and why questions

7. Not having a good time (projecting a look that reflects stomach pain might be occurring)

8. Not smiling (instead, wearing a more a grim facial expression)

9. Not making eye contact or looking around the room more than at a conversation partner

10. Not having a crisp handshake

Take away the nots and you can be a star at networking. The process will also become more fun.