When you avoid the elephant in the room, it consumes the air, leaving no room to breathe. Always begin the conversation when everyone feels safe. Obtain the permission of the others to listen to what you have to say. Give them the option to ask questions after you have finished speaking. Never be hostile or confrontational. Listen when they are finished. Thank them for sharing, then ask questions to ensure clarity.

Many companies go through changes which may mean laid off co-workers or staff with changed assignments which can leave long-term team members anxious. The best thing to do is to wish them well. Let them know how much you have enjoyed working together and if you are close to the person, give contact permission. Always maintain a positive dialog. Someday, it could be you who is affected by company changes.

It would be ideal to never be saddled with a bad boss. The type of manager who never appreciates what you do, who overloads you with unreasonable expectations and timelines and who sends you numerous emails late at night. This kind of leader can be brilliant, maybe even another version of a Steve Jobs, which is where value can shine through the craziness. You could be exposed to situations that provide insights into moments of high achievement.

As an example, when I was in sales, the owner was very demanding. However, as painful as it sometimes was, the skills I developed dealing with him helped turn me into a top sales person and trainer in less than two years, in a position I went on to hold for ten years. Even today, after twenty-five years, I still use many of those sales tools to procure and retain business.

Rambling confuses the listener and damages speaker credibility. Whether you’re addressing an audience of one or one thousand, determine what you want them to leave with. How clear is your message? Is it relevant to the situation? I have always been fascinated with political debates. I like observing if a candidate responds with clarity and conveys a strong message to any question that is asked.

Lesa Frances Kennedy, CEO of the International Speedway Corporation and Vice Chairwoman of NASCAR, answered the question: How do you hire?

“First impressions are so important in terms of fitting in on the team. The moment you walk in the door; you’re being observed. You may not know that, and it’s not anything formal, but I’ll get feedback. You read the body language of some of the people they’ve met, like a receptionist, and you can pick up very subtle cues about how they felt about that person. Was the person respectful?”

As you read this quote from the NYT Corner Office, Sunday, October 25th, consider the first impressions you create no matter who you meet. Does your first impression project confidence and approachability? Are you someone they want work with in the best of times as well as when problems arise?

Beth Comstock made history by being GE’s first female vice chair. One piece of advice given to her by Jeff Emmelt early in her career was to ask:  “Why aren’t you speaking up and voicing your opinion? It doesn’t do you or the company any good when you don’t.”

Beth is quoted in the article admitting a struggle with self-confidence. In working with clients, I have found that this is one of the main reasons people are not promoted or perceived as confident. Women have a bigger challenge because they seem to think that their opinion has to be right on target before they speak. Not so, because an opinion, even when not completely accepted, might start a path to a solution. Speaking up helps your audience to get to know you just as presenting your message is critical in being seen as a leader.

Recently, I had a service person come in (happened to be the owner) who began to tell me what I had done wrong instead of saying there may be a problem but we will do our best to fix it. Can you imagine a consultant or coach like myself right off the bat, telling a client that s/he has tremendous problems? Or you, as a new team leader or team member telling the group: We have problems we cannot begin to solve?

I am not saying that we need to be a Pollyanna but can’t anything somehow be made better? I understand the owner might have been under tremendous pressure but if he doesn’t work for repeat customers, that pressure may just get a lot bigger and lead to more serious problems.

I recently attended a showcase where professionals shared their crafts and secrets to help their peers and colleagues grow in corporate careers and expand their learning. However, it was easy to spot the presenters who were only there to hawk their services. They provided surface content only. I firmly believe the folks who were truly sharing were passionate about their craft and wanted others to benefit. These folks are in my book and are leaders in their industry. What they give to others will result in them receiving it back 100+ percent along with heartfelt appreciation and respect.

Hitting the mark is the moment when what you have accomplished the task. It can be engaging the audience and seeing they understand your point. It can be as simple as getting a smile back when you have smiled. The point is to remember that sense of gratification when things don’t hit the mark. It will keep you going to reach that mark.

I work with many clients where I get that sense of gratification in our partnership when they get to a point where they see what needs to be done and embrace it. So many times we tend to look at the missteps as setbacks as instead of steps to get where we need to go. It is all a process. This is why I feel strongly about it. Keep that sense of gratification when you hit the mark of achievement and remember sometimes, it takes steps.

Have you known folks who have the death stare? It’s when someone stares at another with a look that makes you want to shrink down in their seat in terror. (Examples are actors, Kristen Stewart and Sir Patrick Stewart.)  A death stare is different than a poker face. It is more about the eyes that go right through you. Check it out with your friends; ask them what your eyes say. The death stare  has more impact than any words. Use it wisely. (Doris Day never had a death stare while Joan Crawford did.)