“Figure Out the Things You Don’t Know” came out of a recent interview with Drew Houston, the CEO of Dropbox. That resonated with me because I am in the process of completing a course that teaches a coaching approach that ensures the client will always walk away with a solution to an issue.

The course is a six-month program for 2.5 hours a week. The main purpose for me was to start working toward a master certification with ICF (International Coaching Federation). Going in, I thought if I also learned something new, that would be terrific. However, since I have been coaching clients for more than 20 years, my expectations were low.

How wrong I was! The new learnings have been instrumental in helping me help my clients succeed. I had been so busy with work I fell behind in taking new courses which I used to take at the rate of at least six programs a year. This was an eye opening experience. My recommendation is take a course or program to further your professional or personal life. It just might enrich you!

Using the words “but or however” throws up a wall that creates an adverse reaction because they tend to negate the verbiage said prior. In a recent Marshall Goldsmith Thinkers50 Video Blog,  Marshall  discusses the negative impact of saying but or however. In fact, just today, in providing feedback to a client, I caught myself using but and however without realizing it. Beware of the negative impact of these two words and work on replacing them.

I remember how important it is, in the heat of the moment, to be seen as the smartest one in the room. It is a feeling you have when there is a goal that needs to be accomplished, you know the answer but everyone does not agree with it. You accomplish the goal while leaving some dead bodies in the process. In my experience, those dead bodies become your road blocks to moving up. Often, when coaching, the most difficult issue is getting clients to become aware of how being the smartest guy in the room can derail their careers. Even the CEO cannot be the smartest guy in the room all the time.

In a recent Steven Covey webinar featuring Diana Thomas, Executive Coach and CEO Advisor (and a friend and colleague), she talked about the qualities of A and C players using her past experience as a Vice President at McDonald’s.

Consider the following qualities to ensure you stay on top of your game and do not slide into the C group.

“A” Players:
– Embrace vision (the bigger picture or your goal) and bring it to life
– Tend to be creative, adaptable, resourceful
– Are willing to do what it takes to achieve results
– Attract other A Players

“C” Players:
– Resist change and make excuses
– Frustrate other team players (even those who might help)
– Drain the energy of others
– Can be distracting to the productive time of others

In the movie, Joy Luck Club, one of the Asian daughters loses her identity because she tries to assimilate herself into her new husband’s family and lifestyle. In doing so, she loses her own identity. I use this story with clients who might be in difficult business relationships with company stakeholders. They try to reach the finish line with work but the line keeps moving. These individuals take pride in their ability to deliver expectations but continually find themselves in situations where they cannot. They keep doing more but more gets piled on them because the finish line keeps changing. The folks who survive by pushing back in an intrusive environment are ones who know their own worth. So, when you can put a stake in the ground by letting people know what you are worth, you not only get yourself back but you receive the respect of others.

It would be great if everyone you met liked you. Our hope is that we are engaging enough that folks want to have a cup of coffee with us. The truth though, is that not everyone will be warm and friendly. Maybe they don’t really like you or could it be they don’t like anyone?

I remember many years ago I would be in situations with a group of people who had powerful positions in the business community who would never say hello or even start a casual conversation with me. I was always feeling dejected whenever in their company. Later, I found myself with well-known, successful business people at a social event and saw these folks act the same way with them! It then hit me like a light bulb that they may not like anyone. Now, I know not everyone will like me but they may not really like anyone. They are just not people oriented.

How many times have you been in meeting and notice that the person you are speaking with completely changes facial expression and body language? This signals that the person is not on the same page with you. What should you do if this happens?

Asking a question to reengage the person is critical. The question must have elements that will bring the person back to the conversation. Never intrusive always inclusive, and if appropriate, a why, how or what question. Pay attention to their facial expression and body language to make sure you are getting their attention. Wait for the answer.

Joe Lacob, the majority owner of the Golden State Warriors, has worked in venture capital for three decades. This season, Lacob’s sixth as majority owner, the Warriors are on pace to break the league record of 72 wins in a season (which is just 82 games long). I’m a professional listener,” he told me. “There are a lot of smart people in the world, you know. I’m not the smartest. I’m just an integrator.” We can all learn from Joe Lacob.

How many times have you not been introduced when in a group? To overcome that and become visible is to introduce yourself. This helps the person who might have forgotten a name or two while simultaneously getting make you noticed. This is also how you become visible in a networking situation when meeting with new folks. Remember to add a smile before you even open your mouth, especially when riding on an elevator!

Recently in a class, the instructor said: I don’t mean to be so direct and abrupt in giving feedback but it is because I want to catch the moment when the correction is made. Well, as good as that sounds, if you are a seasoned professional or just starting out as a coach, mentor or instructor you will go a long way if you using inclusivity in your feedback. Instead of saying something like “It is definitely the wrong approach”, you might say: “A different approach might work like this…”

When you are demeaned, it erects a wall of defense and emotional turmoil gets in the way of what might be a learning experience. Years ago, I learned from a top producer who was quite mean while training me. Did I get it, I sure did. But the scars remain and whenever someone reminds me of her, I run in the opposite direction!