It is often said that our eyes are the window to the world. They are also are how folks read you. Eye contact is critical when first meeting someone because it shows engagement and that you are focused on what they are saying. It also will help you remember names and something about them.

Eyes, when looking down, up, to the right or to the left, do not send a good message. In some cases, it shows nervousness and even deception in a reply.

In a business casual setting, men may not have to necessarily wear a suit jacket all the time, though they might be wearing a shirt and tie most of the time.

Many men in a workshop setting will ask if they can wear a mixed or patterned shirt with a patterned tie. Yes, of course. However, there are a few guidelines to ensure the right mix to look really sharp:

– The shirt stripe must be smaller than the tie pattern

– The tie pattern must be smaller if the shirt stripe is wide

– Make sure there is a similar color in both the tie and shirt

– A tie can be a totally different color than the shirt if the shirt is a non-patterned one

Of course, all of these rules can be broken if you have a dynamic eye for style or a work with a personal stylist!

Task persons are individuals who are great at getting the job done. The areas where they need to pay attention are being more sensitive to the nuances of building relationships such as developing small talk as well as appropriate facial expressions and body language. These silent messages are critical to understanding and connecting to people.

Then, there are the people persons who are great at building relationships and connecting to the audience. Those folks never lack in the area of people skills but lack the skills to get the job done.

To help fully develop skills spend time with and observe those who are the opposite of you. You will learn to pick the skills you need to grow in a very balanced way.

Often, I am asked to work with folks who tend to ramble and say more than they should. The more they ramble, the less impact their message has.

A great example of this occurred today. A top candidate for a new role in a new company kept going on and on. I even interviewed him the day before and mentioned to him that he tends to go on too long, rambles and talks in circles.

He is a very qualified candidate and frankly, is the candidate of choice. In the interview, he was told what held him back was his rambling. The advice we gave him was to answer a question with a five or ten word description and then stop. Rambling indicates nervousness, lack of confidence and even a possible lack of knowledge.

If you tend to ramble, it is because you have not practiced your answers. A good way to practice is to write the answer on paper and edit it with three bullet points. This will definitely help curb your rambling.

We hear and read all the time of how important it is to have a social media presence. Using Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn will help give you more exposure. However, in the August 25th Chicago Tribune business section, columnist Rex Huppke of “I just Work Here”, writes about venting on anonymous websites. I agree and suggest taking it another step for Facebook which many folks, especially potential employers, read.

Below are what we might want to avoid doing on Facebook. Do not:

• Post too much personal stuff – it gives the impression you have a tremendous amount of free time – while at the office

• Post too revealing a personal picture, low cut tops or for men, hairy chests in skinny swim trunks (These belong on private sites or in People magazine.)

• Constantly brag about your business achievements

• Offer condescending advice

• Make fun of someone or something – leave that to Vanity Fair.com or People magazine

• Post negative comments in general

Keep your remarks positive and you will create engagement while providing a human touch which is what we want.

In today’s busy and virtual world, conference calls have become a must versus face to face meetings. I just completed a call that went 60 minutes (originally scheduled for 30 minutes) mainly because the group was not prepared.

They had not fully read the material and the leader had not set an agenda. Each of the participants (4) had their own set of questions and they spoke over one another. Poor reception was also a factor. (Two of the participants were in a car.)

• Always let the participants know if you are going to be in a car driving (which is a real no-no).

• If possible, be the only person on the call in your office.

• Always say your name before you speak.

• Always, after you speak, confirm everyone has heard you.

• Always agree to disagree.

• Always thank everyone when the call is finished.

• Always let everyone know your time constraints.

True etiquette is making the other person comfortable and allowing them to showcase their best.

Most our interactions, including final business transactions, take place on the phone. Speaking clearly and succinctly is very critical for many reasons. Your tone of voice is important in showing confidence and asking the appropriate questions.

Most importantly, you need to be heard. A good way to practice is by partnering with a colleague so you can both practice a range of voices, tones and pronunciations. Your phone voice is just as important as your visual presence.

Recently, I worked with a middle manager who wanted to be considered the next Director in her group. However, she has a challenging time when receiving or giving critical feed because she cries easily.

A tip that helped her was taking a deep breath when she felt the urge to cry coming on. She partnered with a colleague to practice this technique which has helped her tremendously. Within six weeks of three times a week practice, she got dramatically better at managing tearing up during difficult conversations.

Is it appropriate to wear a white tuxedo jacket for a black tie event in the summer time? In the northern states black tuxedo jackets are still more the norm. An exception can be when that attire is requested. Also, in some country club settings, a white jacket is a favorite. The ones that are the most popular are the Shaw Collar styles. In the Caribbean, as you see in James Bond movies, white jackets are worn by most. When you are in doubt, check with the host of the event.

There are folks in this world who like to throw you off with the “gotcha” question or comment. It comes out of the blue and the purpose is to show power. The way to protect yourself is to ask questions to help you get grounded without sounding defensive.

A gotcha moment happened to me recently and I was totally unprepared. Now, I would begin the conversation by asking the question – can you clarify this for me? This would have not only have helped me stay grounded but it would have added balance to the discussion. Putting this tool in place creates a win for you as well as a strong show of confidence.