Some folks have a natural smile and it comes easily. Then, there are folks like yours truly who needs to be made aware of smiling. You can pretty much tell by my eye and head movements that I am engaged. But for many, it’s the facial expressions that reveal all.

Today, we had a situation where one person kept pushing on a subject and other person responded that the topic was not negotiable. At first, the dialog was conversational. It turned when senior person’s dead pan facial expression and stiffness in the body language became visible.

The other person kept the subject alive until the senior person said, “Note my facial expression and body language. You should be aware that you are not reading my message.”

The other facial expression is the poker face. Most folks perceive this means that the person does not want to be engaged and/or is bored.

The key to successful engagement is based on what your eyes and facial expressions say.

In last Sunday’s New York Times there was a piece by the Ethicist: Why is it important to treat people how they want to be treated versus treating them the way you would want to be treated?

It all comes down to understanding communication styles. So many times, messages are not received because folks resist adapting to a way of communicating that is different than their own.

The Platinum Rule, which is to treat others the way they want to be treated, is critical to win/win communications. I realized this a few years ago in communicating with my sisters. Once I understood their communication preference, I found it much easier to have a dialog under stressful situations. Visit www.personalimagesinc.com to learn more about the Platinum Rule.

I apologize if I sound like a broken record but from head to toe, the really coordinated folks have all the details of their appearance in order. The hair needs to be well groomed (long hair only works if it is well managed) and complemented by top quality, well maintained accessories; sleeves, jackets and bottom lengths all should lay nicely at the proper spot.

Often, the excuse for a disheveled appearance is a lack of time. However, if you make the time in the beginning when you purchase the items good habits will be there, too. You will then always look your stylish best.

In stressful times, when projects do not go smoothly, someone may get thrown under the bus. If you happen to be this person, here are some critical tips to ensure that it does not turn fatal:

1. Stay calm

2. Do not interrupt when being spoken to

3. Ask questions to get details to either deflect blame or fault the situation

4. Accept responsibility

5. Offer solutions to fix the problem or make sure it never happens again

In stressful times, when projects do not go smoothly, someone may get thrown under the bus. If you happen to be this person, here are some critical tips to ensure that it does not turn fatal:

1. Stay calm

2. Do not interrupt when being spoken to

3. Ask questions to get details to either deflect blame or fault the situation

4. Accept responsibility

5. Offer solutions to fix the problem or make sure it never happens again

1. Do you find that you have things in your closet that you have not worn because you don’t have anything to wear with them? Never purchase anything unless you have three clothing items in the closet to go with it or buy at least two items to wear that work with the garment.

2. Purchase items in three colors only. Most folks have black pants or skirts so the key to purchase shirts, jackets, sweaters in three colors in addition to black.

3. Last, but not least, only purchase items that fit in the shoulders, chest and jacket/sweater length. It is easy to shorten sleeves but tailoring in these other areas can be very expensive and tough to pull off properly.

Sometimes, folks who tend to want the work they do to be perfect, say no too quickly. What happens then is that others stop asking them to take on special projects which, if taken, may help advance their careers.

You can say yes to reviewing the project; say you will think about it and get back to them. If you do turn it down, let them know that you still want to be considered for future projects. Keeping the communications flowing is the key to your career. Never give an instant no, say you will think about it.

In a perfect world, we would not have conflicts and would always along with each other. Unfortunately, there are still a few difficult people that we either try to win over or think we can change them. The reality is that folks are who they are.

So what happens when we try to deal with them? The folks who are successful have a laser focus on getting what communication goal they have, accomplished. Geoffrey Tumlin’s new book “Communicating,” offers these three tips in dealing with difficult people:

• Let go, focus on strategy and let difficult people be difficult.

• Keep your expectations low; remember that you are dealing with a painful person.

• Accomplish what you need to do quickly.

Another recommendation is to avoid the dance where they insult you, you ignore it and go on working. For example, if the person says that this is sloppy work. You can come back with: Sorry to have disappointed you; I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Use these tips and you will be able to accomplish your goals with minimal bloodshed.

In the Chicago Tribune, Sunday, September 8th business section, Edward Trullman (Chairman of Tribeca Flashpoint Media Arts Academy in Chicago) wrote about five ways to make the most of Demo Day. Demo Day is when folks get to pitch for business funding to Venture capitalists.

The five ways can help ensure a participant will hit it out of the ball park when s/he makes a pitch. They are also exactly what we work on with clients who are either interviewing for the next position or seeking to sell a project.

1. Be short, sweet and grab the audience early – know your story.

2. One template does not fit all – you may have tell your story in different ways.

3. Don’t let the way you dress be a distraction – this also goes for hair and grooming. Leave the green nail polish for clubbing and guys, trim the beard. No reading glasses – purchase progressive ones.

4. Stay away from case studies. Start with results – leave the details for later discussion.

5. Name your supporters – In Tullman’s piece, he talks about naming investors. Familiarity is critical especially because the folks you are pitching to want to a way to connect with you. Everyone wants to play with a winner.

If you have a chance watch Shark Tank on Friday nights. You will see that the folks who get one or two of the sharks to invest embrace these points.

There are two purposes of an interview exit. One is to ensure that you leave on a good note and the second is to learn how you could strengthen your skills as you move forward.

You never want to be negative, even if the person responsible for the interview was. If the departure was not a positive one, do a mock interview in front of a mirror. Practice the answers to these questions:

– What you liked about your experience in this role

– What you would recommend to clarify and polish that role for the next person.

Being prepared for an exit interview will ensure you leave with your professionalism intact.