So many times I hear from clients they feel self-promotion is a negative thing. The thinking is that if you are good at what you do, self-promotion is not necessary. However, self-promotion is critical to business success if it is always done inclusively not intrusively.

Doing the few things below will make sure your self-promotion is inclusive and acceptable:

Social Media: Be on Linkedin
Be an author: Write an article, get quoted in a trade publication or write a book
Facebook: Tailor it to your profession or company guidelines
Networking: Be active in trade or civic associations
Twitter: Offer advice that will enhance your visibility
Face to Face: Have a professional introduction ready to use

Self-promotion is a good thing when done inclusively because it will connect you to your audience. They will then do the promoting for you.

The poker face sends a message that says “I don’t trust you.” I just sat in a meeting with a such an individual and tried hard to read this person’s face, body language while listening to their words.

I understand the person with the poker face is being guarded, but s/he needs to know that others are listening.

For instance, I found myself thinking, “I don’t know what this person is really trying to say.” Is that the message a poker-faced individual really wants to convey?

Here are some tips to ensure you are not the poker face:

• Look at the person you are speaking to and not thru them – engage their eyes
• Nod your head when you agree with the person
• Ask questions
• Listen intently

If you engage by using these tips, folks will walk away realizing that you want to have a relationship with them. Then, they will begin to trust you.

It is hard to say no when we think we will disappoint folks if we don’t live up to their expectations. But it is a trust breaker when you don’t deliver what you agree too.

Of course, you can continue to say yes and hope most of the time you will be able to deliver what you promise. However, think about the times you did not deliver. A person’s word is golden.

Here are some words to use to help you say no in an inclusive manner:

• Yes, I can and by (blank date) it will happen.
• Yes, I can but I will have to postpone the other assignment if I do. Which would you prefer?
• Yes, I can and it will take me to (blank date) to complete it. Are you good with that?

You can say no by saying yes cementing the conditions that will ensure you will be able to deliver what you agree to. That way your word will always be golden.

In today’s fast paced, ever changing business climate, competition is fierce and talent is abundant. So, who you know vs. what you know becomes more important. What do you do to set yourself apart from others?

To become known you must be seen.

This is not easy since most of us only have so many hours a day to focus on networking. And let’s face it, you cannot be out every night meeting folks. Also, trying to keep up is very time-consuming even if you do not have a day job.

To ensure you are networking properly, I suggest the following:

• Join Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Spoke to name a few of the mainstream sites
• Become published by writing articles or being quoted in a trade magazine, company newsletter or any business magazine or newspaper
• Obtain a leadership role in an organization associated with your profession

Being active in these three areas will ensure you will be seen. Remember this will take patience. In fact, becoming fully networked can take up to one year. Then you will be noted as a valued resource who everyone wants to know.

During the holiday season we will all get invited to multiple events where food will be in abundance. The goal is to network and strengthen relationships while just sampling all the holiday eats.

So, here are some rules to follow:

• Eat before you attend
• Keep one hand free to shake
• Never take anything you cannot eat in one bite
• Never eat anything that causes sticky hands
• Drink only one class of wine

Remember these key strategies and you will continue to strengthen your relationships while maintaining your waistline!

Happy Holidays!

During the holiday season we want to thank those who have been significant factors in our professional life. Sometimes a well written thank you note is enough.

Here are some suggestions you may want to consider if you want to go one step further:

• A donation to a favorite charity in their name
• A CD of music (current poplar choice)
• A DVD of an old classic (best for suited for women)
• Hosting a function that combines networking and fun such as an indoor golf event or a spa night for women only

The most important thing to remember is that the gift is more than just the thought. It makes the recipient feel special because you have acknowledged that he or she has been significant in your life.

In Japan’s “The Daily Yomiuri” The Language Connection, November 2, it talks about privacy and the key factor of what determines self-disclosure in personal situations.

When do you share items like divorce or deaths in families?

Behavioral scientists Joanna Schug, Maskai Yuki and William Maddusx suggest that “relational mobility” is a key factor in determining the role of self-disclosure in strengthening relationships. In research, it was found that American students were more apt to share personal information. They felt it was a key to strengthening relationships. The Japanese students thought it might be the opposite.

Americans felt their relationships were less strong when there were concealments of major events. The Japansese thought too much self-disclosure might place a burden on the relationship.

For example, when does one share pregnancy in the family or an engagement to be married? Especially, when is that done in the workplace where you are trying to build relationships?

The critical thing is understanding the culture of the individual and the organization. Then you will understand what is appropriate and when you can share personal insights in order to build relationships. This sensitivity will help you be successful with long-term professional and personal connections.

In todays fast paced, professional and social environment, we want to create an instant connection with those we meet. Unfortunately, the intial engagement with those who do not know us can also leave a negative impression.

These are few tips that will help you have a positive impact.

• Your facial expressions must be relaxed and softened with a casual smile – it needs to say, “I want to meet you.”
• Eye contact is critical; so form an easy lock into their eyes with the initial greeting
• Relax your body language
• Maintain an appropriate personal space—about one arm’s length
• Use a proper handshake—firm and easy

Keep these critical elements in mind when you first meet someone. You will create a positve first impression that will last.

Civility is an act of kindness (the opposite of rudeness).

Etiquette is rules that have been in place over the last two centuries (knowing which fork to use).

Manners are how you handle etiquette (what to do when your neighbor does not know which fork to use).

It is interesting to note that by definition the terms are different. However, in action they can have the same effect of kindness.

Today I experienced waiting in a very long security line to fly back from North Carolina. Folks were patient and the security people treated everyone with dignity. I thought this was an example of civility, manners and etiquette.

Another example of civility is not getting yelling when listening to a speaker because you do not agree with the content.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the folks running for political office could act more often with civility, manners and etiquette?

The Phone Voice

Often, it is rare to be able to hear the other party on the phone with as much clarity as you would like. You hear either mumbling, a strong accent or you cannot hear the speaker at all.

(In fact, recently, when choosing a new electronic device, I went with the company that claimed the best phone connection clarity.)

So, how can you be sure your phone voice is a good one? Here are some tips to help you with this:

You can call yourself on your cell phone to practice or buy yourself a voice recorder. Sony, Panasonic and RCA are good ones and cost less than $50.00.

Ask yourself these questions:

– Can you hear yourself clearly?
– Is the pace of your words measured?
– Does your voice sound approachable?
– Are the tone and pitch of your voice pleasing?

If you answer yes to all these questions then your voice is a winner. If you are not sure, then call someone you know, leave a voice message and ask them the same questions. You must get three positive responses out of four. Then practice the “no” response to obtain the winning phone voice everyone wants to hear.