It is difficult being a leader especially when the times are trying and progress is slow with your team. It has been proven to be helpful to let the group know in a positive way that you need their assistance.

When you have a meeting during a period of team struggle, try this exercise by giving each team member three post-it stickers.

– On one, ask them to write what the team has done well so far.

– On the second one, ask them to write what the team needs to strengthen.

– On the last one, ask them to write what they’d like to see the team focus on.

Post these up on a wall. Have the entire team read them and come to a determination on what they want to focus on. This will help the group continue to bond. And you, as the team leader, will now have buy-in from the group. It creates a win/win situation.

Apparently, the new communication etiquette in replying is no answer instead of politely declining. In other words, no response is necessary when the answer is no. Well, if you want to buck the trend and stand out a little bit, decline by using one of these responses:

For an invitation:

• Thank you for the invite, but unfortunately, I will not be able to attend.

For a project:

• We value what you provide and we will get back to you when ___________.

When you respond, even though you are delivering a no, it shows you appreciate their efforts.

Bill McDermott, co-CEO of SAP, the software company, said employers “will make bold bets on people who have an unwavering passion for success”. In a recent NYT interview, he shared his thoughts on the subject.

He talked about his unlimited drive for success beginning at the age of 11. What is obvious is that he clearly is a director type who is passionate, competitive and gets the job done. He has clarity in what he wants and hires those who can share their own drive with both clarity and passion. They must love what they do. In my work with clients, the successful ones all have that plus a big picture vision.

I have been a long time Trekkie. The recent movie, Star Trek into Darkness, continues the trend of communication differences and why the relationship between Kirk and Spock has its challenges. In this movie, we see their relationship hit a pothole. However, a threat brings them together as they eventually recognize their differences and acknowledge each other’s strengths.

Spock’s behavioral and communication styles are that of a Thinker. Logical thought processes are important to him. Kirk is a combination of Socializer and Director. He cannot always explain his reasoning because he relies heavily on his instincts. He is highly impulsive but gets the job done.

I continue to be fascinated by their interactions. The lesson in the latest film is to honor each communication style by recognizing its value. If you can do this when working with others, you will experience more successful outcomes.

If you have not seen this movie or the first one, Star Trek by JJ Abrams, you might consider renting it. You will be entertained and at the same time be able to observe different communications styles in action. Who knows, it might help you when similar situations arise in the workplace.

Honesty is the best policy to a certain point. We want to be able to trust each other in the work place but at the same time, white lies are almost a necessity.

Kenneth Murnighnan, a professor of risk management at Northwestern University was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article “Honesty also best policy” by Rex Huppke. Dr. Murnighnan says the workplace needs employees with enough “social graces” to tell white lies when necessary. He even suggests that leaders and managers want white lies. “Sometimes white lies are really helpful because they prevent people from stirring up trouble you don’t need.”

However, make sure you know when the truth is needed. Often, employees hit a wall in their professional career and are not promoted because they were not given a dose of reality early on. A good leader will be honest with employees about where they need to strengthen their soft skills and hopefully provide the tools and support to help them grow.

Honesty when appropriate is the best policy.

My father’s strong suit was never business but he had remarkable people skills. When he walked into a room, strangers would instantly be drawn to him. A true people person, my father, Suey, remembered names, family stories and some detail he could use to start a personal conversation.

Being a sole proprietor can be a lonely existence sometimes. He compensated for this by being active in the Rotary, American Legion, Kiwanis and in the Chinese-American Community.

These are the critical people skills that I learned from this wonderful man:

– Always be the first to greet someone, never wait for him/her to come to you.

– Establish eye contact instantly.

– Never be stingy with smiles. Make them great and flash them often.

– Always repeat a name. This helps ensure it’s pronounced correctly and that it stays in memory.

– Take on responsibilities in organizations. It’s a great way to meet folks and become engaged.

Today, when I am in a room full of strangers and especially when I am going to present, I try and introduce myself to as many people as possible.

When I greet someone, I remember my father because it brings a smile to my face which helps me be fully present with that person.

Eye contact is always important in these situations:

• When first meeting a person, good eye contact gives an instant connection. In some cases it is how you will be remembered.

• When you are presenting, eye contact helps you engage each member of the audience. Even if you cannot see them, they can see you.

• When you are having a very intense conversation, whether sad or happy, the impact of it will be felt with serious eye contact.

If someone has asked not to have you assigned to them, it is best to go along with it. However, some think that finding out what your detractors say is critical to professional growth. If that’s the case in your situation, ask your manager to find out what the issue is and share the feedback with you.

You can also address the issue yourself but that can be a little tricky. You have to go into it with a very open, non-threatening, non-judgmental spirit. And even then, the person may not want to speak with you face to face about it.

Folks assigned to work on teams may not always be a good fit. An example of this is dealing with a team member who has a reputation of not working well with others. There are two ways to handle it. (Use the method that best suits the culture of your organization.)

One way is for the team leader to have a one on one conversation with this individual about shared expectations and what is the best for the team and organization. The second way is to have a team meeting with an open dialog on the key elements of impactful communications. Outline acceptable methods of how to handle any potential conflict and decide on the best way to agree to disagree.

The most important thing is ensure the team is successful as a group.

When Samantha takes a walk, she always starts full of the potential excitement of her adventure. Her head is held high and her gaze is straight ahead, eyes shining with great anticipation about what she might see. For those of you who know, Samantha is my bison (you can see her picture on the far upper right corner).

Wouldn’t it be great if each time you walked into a room, you had the good anticipatory feeling of exploring something new? It projects in your body, facial expressions and even your walk. It is the aura of confidence and creates a wonderful first impression.