We all have an inherent communication style– it is how we are wired.

It can adapt and even grow organically when you surround yourself with folks whose approach is different than yours. For example, if you tend to be an introvert, work with someone who is a natural extrovert. If you have a task oriented work style, bring folks in who are more strategic. Watch how they approach situations. Take note of the way people interact with them. Use their interactions as a guide to stretch yourself to become a more rounded and aware communicator.

The General Social Survey from University of Chicago social scientists, is considered the scholarly gold standard for understanding social phenomena. Regarding happiness, their numbers have been remarkably consistent.

They suggest that a key element to happiness occurs when people are able to marry their passion to their work skills. This helps bring value to their lives. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said “Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies the joy of achievement, the thrill of creative effort.”

This passion cannot be manufactured.

A true professional tips those who provide good service, especially in the situations that are repeated. My rule of thumb is as follows:

20% for dining and personal services and at least two to three dollars for the car service and the airport baggage handler.

During the holidays, the tip should be the amount of one service charge. For example, if your manicurist charges $20 dollars then the tip should be $20. These are the folks who make your life easier and tipping is great way to show your appreciation for what they do.

Holiday parties are the time to celebrate relationships and a good time to take the stress out of this busy time of the year.

To ensure you have fun:

• RSVP at least a week in advance unless otherwise specified in the invite.

• Let the hostess know if you have any food or animal allergies.

• Make sure that a hostess gift does not get too close to food that needs to be served or too near flowers on the table.

• Arrive no later than ten minutes after the start time.

• Mingle and introduce yourself to new folks.

Some folks have a natural smile and it comes easily. Then, there are folks like yours truly who needs to be made aware of smiling. You can pretty much tell by my eye and head movements that I am engaged. But for many, it’s the facial expressions that reveal all.

Today, we had a situation where one person kept pushing on a subject and other person responded that the topic was not negotiable. At first, the dialog was conversational. It turned when senior person’s dead pan facial expression and stiffness in the body language became visible.

The other person kept the subject alive until the senior person said, “Note my facial expression and body language. You should be aware that you are not reading my message.”

The other facial expression is the poker face. Most folks perceive this means that the person does not want to be engaged and/or is bored.

The key to successful engagement is based on what your eyes and facial expressions say.

In last Sunday’s New York Times there was a piece by the Ethicist: Why is it important to treat people how they want to be treated versus treating them the way you would want to be treated?

It all comes down to understanding communication styles. So many times, messages are not received because folks resist adapting to a way of communicating that is different than their own.

The Platinum Rule, which is to treat others the way they want to be treated, is critical to win/win communications. I realized this a few years ago in communicating with my sisters. Once I understood their communication preference, I found it much easier to have a dialog under stressful situations. Visit www.personalimagesinc.com to learn more about the Platinum Rule.

I apologize if I sound like a broken record but from head to toe, the really coordinated folks have all the details of their appearance in order. The hair needs to be well groomed (long hair only works if it is well managed) and complemented by top quality, well maintained accessories; sleeves, jackets and bottom lengths all should lay nicely at the proper spot.

Often, the excuse for a disheveled appearance is a lack of time. However, if you make the time in the beginning when you purchase the items good habits will be there, too. You will then always look your stylish best.

In stressful times, when projects do not go smoothly, someone may get thrown under the bus. If you happen to be this person, here are some critical tips to ensure that it does not turn fatal:

1. Stay calm

2. Do not interrupt when being spoken to

3. Ask questions to get details to either deflect blame or fault the situation

4. Accept responsibility

5. Offer solutions to fix the problem or make sure it never happens again

In stressful times, when projects do not go smoothly, someone may get thrown under the bus. If you happen to be this person, here are some critical tips to ensure that it does not turn fatal:

1. Stay calm

2. Do not interrupt when being spoken to

3. Ask questions to get details to either deflect blame or fault the situation

4. Accept responsibility

5. Offer solutions to fix the problem or make sure it never happens again

Sometimes, folks who tend to want the work they do to be perfect, say no too quickly. What happens then is that others stop asking them to take on special projects which, if taken, may help advance their careers.

You can say yes to reviewing the project; say you will think about it and get back to them. If you do turn it down, let them know that you still want to be considered for future projects. Keeping the communications flowing is the key to your career. Never give an instant no, say you will think about it.