The essential element of being a good boss is leadership including mentoring, keeping your word, showing empathy, using good listening skills and continuing to show appreciation for good outcomes. Good bosses stand for the success of their employees and work diligently to ensure opportunities emerge for them to shine including exposure to senior leaders. Good managers also put employees into situations to help develop interpersonal and communication skills.

It would be ideal to never be saddled with a bad boss. The type of manager who never appreciates what you do, who overloads you with unreasonable expectations and timelines and who sends you numerous emails late at night. This kind of leader can be brilliant, maybe even another version of a Steve Jobs, which is where value can shine through the craziness. You could be exposed to situations that provide insights into moments of high achievement.

As an example, when I was in sales, the owner was very demanding. However, as painful as it sometimes was, the skills I developed dealing with him helped turn me into a top sales person and trainer in less than two years, in a position I went on to hold for ten years. Even today, after twenty-five years, I still use many of those sales tools to procure and retain business.

Questions I always ask are what is your expertise? What defines your brand? What experiences created the confidence that makes senior leaders say you are an expert in a field? Begin a list of how you have led a team to success including how the outcome delivered a positive, long-term result for your company. Start with words from those you have mentored or helped in a specific situation. Keep a journal of them. This will help you define and flesh out your brand.

Assisting nonprofits such as United Way, Red Cross, Shelter for Abused Women, etc., not only helps them out but it can develop your leadership skills. There will also be opportunities to strengthen communication skills and be creative in these roles. I know it has helped me tremendously in leadership positions on various boards as a director or the chair.

Lesa Frances Kennedy, CEO of the International Speedway Corporation and Vice Chairwoman of NASCAR, answered the question: How do you hire?

“First impressions are so important in terms of fitting in on the team. The moment you walk in the door; you’re being observed. You may not know that, and it’s not anything formal, but I’ll get feedback. You read the body language of some of the people they’ve met, like a receptionist, and you can pick up very subtle cues about how they felt about that person. Was the person respectful?”

As you read this quote from the NYT Corner Office, Sunday, October 25th, consider the first impressions you create no matter who you meet. Does your first impression project confidence and approachability? Are you someone they want work with in the best of times as well as when problems arise?

It has been proven time and time again that a team needs to consist of people with different communication styles all pursuing the same goal. When a team has communication styles that are too similar, diversity in thought seldom occurs, which limits other points of view.

Recently, a team I was working with had no issues with problem solving because they had both people and task orientated members. The people orientated ones understood how their message could play out if the emotional piece of the communication didn’t factor into the conversation. The task oriented folks understood the timelines critical to the success of the product launch. It’s no wonder that team has been rated as the most effective team in the organization!

Beth Comstock made history by being GE’s first female vice chair. One piece of advice given to her by Jeff Emmelt early in her career was to ask:  “Why aren’t you speaking up and voicing your opinion? It doesn’t do you or the company any good when you don’t.”

Beth is quoted in the article admitting a struggle with self-confidence. In working with clients, I have found that this is one of the main reasons people are not promoted or perceived as confident. Women have a bigger challenge because they seem to think that their opinion has to be right on target before they speak. Not so, because an opinion, even when not completely accepted, might start a path to a solution. Speaking up helps your audience to get to know you just as presenting your message is critical in being seen as a leader.

I encouraged a client to go on a high profile interview because the more he received exposure to leaders, the better the opportunities might be for him in the future. (The old saying who you know has been long been replaced by who knows you!) Often, folks miss opportunities because they lack confidence or are afraid of interviewing. Practice is good, however exposure and practice is much more effective in building confidence so that when the opportunity arises, you’re ready!

We live in such a fast paced environment that we quickly try to get the heart of an issue. Unfortunately, we sometimes do this by jumping ahead and thinking about what to say instead of focusing on what is being said. If we all listen to the intent of what is being said, we will have a better understanding on how to develop solutions to problems. Seek to understand, then to be understood.

Recently, I had a service person come in (happened to be the owner) who began to tell me what I had done wrong instead of saying there may be a problem but we will do our best to fix it. Can you imagine a consultant or coach like myself right off the bat, telling a client that s/he has tremendous problems? Or you, as a new team leader or team member telling the group: We have problems we cannot begin to solve?

I am not saying that we need to be a Pollyanna but can’t anything somehow be made better? I understand the owner might have been under tremendous pressure but if he doesn’t work for repeat customers, that pressure may just get a lot bigger and lead to more serious problems.