Using the words “but or however” throws up a wall that creates an adverse reaction because they tend to negate the verbiage said prior. In a recent Marshall Goldsmith Thinkers50 Video Blog,  Marshall  discusses the negative impact of saying but or however. In fact, just today, in providing feedback to a client, I caught myself using but and however without realizing it. Beware of the negative impact of these two words and work on replacing them.

In a recent New York Times Style section, it shows President Obama wearing an open collar shirt with his suit. The trend lately has been an open collar shirt without a tie for high profile men. This reminds me of a zillion years ago when DreamWorks was formed with Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and David Katzenberg. The only person wearing a shirt and tie was David Katzenberg. Steven and David Geffen both were millionaires and David Katzenberg was really still a working man.

In many firms, it’s okay to wear a tie with no jacket unless it is required for a presentation. So, there are situations where certain folks can escape from wearing a tie. However, when President Obama speaks to the nation he is still has on a tie. Also, not every man can look elegant when tieless unless the shirt is impeccable.

There have been many books and articles about what makes a great speaker. Politicians, especially during an election year, are great examples of passion versus script. The folks that get up in front of you who truly believe in what they are speaking about, bring us into their world. We feel their commitment and beliefs. The folks who are scripted never really hook us into their ideas. They may have more substance and experience but unfortunately, they may struggle to attract followers or win elections by relying solely on script instead of passion.

In a recent Steven Covey webinar featuring Diana Thomas, Executive Coach and CEO Advisor (and a friend and colleague), she talked about the qualities of A and C players using her past experience as a Vice President at McDonald’s.

Consider the following qualities to ensure you stay on top of your game and do not slide into the C group.

“A” Players:
– Embrace vision (the bigger picture or your goal) and bring it to life
– Tend to be creative, adaptable, resourceful
– Are willing to do what it takes to achieve results
– Attract other A Players

“C” Players:
– Resist change and make excuses
– Frustrate other team players (even those who might help)
– Drain the energy of others
– Can be distracting to the productive time of others

In the movie, Joy Luck Club, one of the Asian daughters loses her identity because she tries to assimilate herself into her new husband’s family and lifestyle. In doing so, she loses her own identity. I use this story with clients who might be in difficult business relationships with company stakeholders. They try to reach the finish line with work but the line keeps moving. These individuals take pride in their ability to deliver expectations but continually find themselves in situations where they cannot. They keep doing more but more gets piled on them because the finish line keeps changing. The folks who survive by pushing back in an intrusive environment are ones who know their own worth. So, when you can put a stake in the ground by letting people know what you are worth, you not only get yourself back but you receive the respect of others.

How many times have you been in meeting and notice that the person you are speaking with completely changes facial expression and body language? This signals that the person is not on the same page with you. What should you do if this happens?

Asking a question to reengage the person is critical. The question must have elements that will bring the person back to the conversation. Never intrusive always inclusive, and if appropriate, a why, how or what question. Pay attention to their facial expression and body language to make sure you are getting their attention. Wait for the answer.

How many times have you not been introduced when in a group? To overcome that and become visible is to introduce yourself. This helps the person who might have forgotten a name or two while simultaneously getting make you noticed. This is also how you become visible in a networking situation when meeting with new folks. Remember to add a smile before you even open your mouth, especially when riding on an elevator!

Recently in a class, the instructor said: I don’t mean to be so direct and abrupt in giving feedback but it is because I want to catch the moment when the correction is made. Well, as good as that sounds, if you are a seasoned professional or just starting out as a coach, mentor or instructor you will go a long way if you using inclusivity in your feedback. Instead of saying something like “It is definitely the wrong approach”, you might say: “A different approach might work like this…”

When you are demeaned, it erects a wall of defense and emotional turmoil gets in the way of what might be a learning experience. Years ago, I learned from a top producer who was quite mean while training me. Did I get it, I sure did. But the scars remain and whenever someone reminds me of her, I run in the opposite direction!

Recently, I met with a senior leader who engaged me to work with a high potential member of the team he viewed as a potential successor. The problem is that this potential only shows up at important functions and meetings. Otherwise, he may be there somewhat physically but definitely not present at all mentally. My point is that every time you are in front of someone you must be in the moment. Often you are judged in everyday situations rather than the high visibility ones. How you engage everyday both visually and verbally are keys to building positive relationships which lead to success in every aspect of business and social intercourse.

Do you ask yourself what you want to accomplish when you walk into a room? What is it you want the world to know about you? What first impression are you creating?

Often, when I ask one of these questions to a client I receive a puzzled look. For myself, I seek approachability combined with an “I am in charge” presence. It projects with a confident walk, a smile on my face and contemporary and understated dress that connects me to the world.

How about you?