The CEO of Redfin, an online real estate site, was interviewed by Glenn Kelman for the Office Corner in Sunday’s August 25th NY Times business section. His thoughts were that if you stay true to yourself even if you are different, that will draw people to you.

Leaders today must prove themselves not only with their performance but their people skills. Being different is important but more critical is relating seamlessly to your audience. However, I have also worked with folks whose quirkiness in an industry that is not creative might work against them. It makes people nervous and not secure.

Your goal is to ensure your audience feels secure with you.

Often, we think honesty is a good thing. However, it is only good if it leads to a solution to the issue. Many times we want situations to improve but we can’t quite pinpoint why. Honesty can be effective if you follow these guidelines:

– The opinion is based on facts not emotions

– Is this fact a new one? If it has been discussed before – what is the purpose of sharing it again?

– If it is a retread issue – do you have a solution this time around?

To help hold these and other types of serious discussions, I highly recommend the book: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition, Patterson and McMillan.

Telling your personal story is critical in establishing context to you as a brand. You want to craft it so it can be told in its entirety or in segments, depending on the audience. It needs to relevant for the purpose.

(Remember, that in all cases we are always being interviewed, whether formally or in conversation, for the next project or role we want.)

Below are three must-have personal story elements to address:

– What makes you the special sauce that everyone needs?

– What are three success stories that can validate and prove your case?

– Describe your brief history that brings to your story up-to-date.

Write the answer to these three points on paper. Continue to edit them until they become a sharp snapshot of your personal story. Then practice out loud until it sounds authentic.

The last and most important step is to videotape yourself. Videotaping is the most critical piece because it enables you to see how others view you—how you look, sound and act. This is what your audience will experience.

The best story engages the audience and is told in less than five minutes.

What do your body and facial expressions suggest to those around you when you are not talking? The way you stand, how you hold our body and set your facial expressions say much more about you than you might realize.

Begin this test for a week. Observe the folks you interface with. Do they take you seriously or are you off-putting to them?

If you want to improve your interactions, start changing the way you carry your arms or do something different with your facial expressions or smile. Act the opposite of how you hold yourself. Do this for a week and you will see the difference in how your silent message is being received.

So many times we forget to ask for what we want without sounding like we don’t deserve it or are entitled to it.

Here are some guidelines to help ensure that an outcome works in your favor:

1. Write down what you want – be specific

2. Get an outside perspective of someone you trust

3. Role play – practice

4. Do not be discouraged if the answer is no – find out why in a non-defensive way

Asking for what you want is critical to success in life. People aren’t mind readers. Often, just asking will help you get what you’re looking for.

Also, when you ask for what you want and the outcome is not what you desired, it could give you an opportunity to go a in different direction and get something better!

Actress, Andie MacDowell, and romantic interest of Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral in Sunday NYT, says: “If you carry around anger and ugly emotions your face will show it.” She calls it keeping control of her monkey mind.

I also believe your face will show sadness, unfriendliness and friendliness. Unfortunately, the majority of those in today’s business world are not showing the face of engagement.

Begin the day with an attitude of excitement while keeping in mind that the purpose is to have a happy day. If you are not sure what your face is showing, stop by a mirror and take a quick. What does it say? Is that what you want it to say?

It is difficult being a leader especially when the times are trying and progress is slow with your team. It has been proven to be helpful to let the group know in a positive way that you need their assistance.

When you have a meeting during a period of team struggle, try this exercise by giving each team member three post-it stickers.

– On one, ask them to write what the team has done well so far.

– On the second one, ask them to write what the team needs to strengthen.

– On the last one, ask them to write what they’d like to see the team focus on.

Post these up on a wall. Have the entire team read them and come to a determination on what they want to focus on. This will help the group continue to bond. And you, as the team leader, will now have buy-in from the group. It creates a win/win situation.

Bill McDermott, co-CEO of SAP, the software company, said employers “will make bold bets on people who have an unwavering passion for success”. In a recent NYT interview, he shared his thoughts on the subject.

He talked about his unlimited drive for success beginning at the age of 11. What is obvious is that he clearly is a director type who is passionate, competitive and gets the job done. He has clarity in what he wants and hires those who can share their own drive with both clarity and passion. They must love what they do. In my work with clients, the successful ones all have that plus a big picture vision.

I have been a long time Trekkie. The recent movie, Star Trek into Darkness, continues the trend of communication differences and why the relationship between Kirk and Spock has its challenges. In this movie, we see their relationship hit a pothole. However, a threat brings them together as they eventually recognize their differences and acknowledge each other’s strengths.

Spock’s behavioral and communication styles are that of a Thinker. Logical thought processes are important to him. Kirk is a combination of Socializer and Director. He cannot always explain his reasoning because he relies heavily on his instincts. He is highly impulsive but gets the job done.

I continue to be fascinated by their interactions. The lesson in the latest film is to honor each communication style by recognizing its value. If you can do this when working with others, you will experience more successful outcomes.

If you have not seen this movie or the first one, Star Trek by JJ Abrams, you might consider renting it. You will be entertained and at the same time be able to observe different communications styles in action. Who knows, it might help you when similar situations arise in the workplace.

I just finished watching Roger Love onYouTube talking about how to eliminate “ahs and ums” when speaking. These fillers become annoying and distract the listener. My thoughts have always been to stop and breathe. Saying nothing is better than a constant stream of fillers.

These are Roger‘s recommendations:

• Use full sentences.

• Connect your words together.

• Only stop for commons and periods.

• Do not make a sound between sentences.