Speaking to a group or making a formal presentation calls for high performance dialog. To guarantee a home run each time, these are the critical things to remember and implement.

• Know your audience
• Have an opening that lets the audience know what to expect
• Always tell the audience what is in it for them
• Practice your talking points
• Be prepared to answer any question, especially one that may be the elephant in the room
• Always close the dialog with a call to action
• Make sure your word choices resonate with the audience

Following these elements will ensure your presentations will always produce a high performance dialog.

All of us have experienced situations when those we trusted have disappointed us not once but several times. The most difficult thing to do is let the individual know how you feel without it sounding like you are just venting. You want to have a crucial conversation that is inclusive and if possible, produces some resolution.

Here are some tips to ensure your conversation is productive:

• Have the conversation only when both parties are calm
• Never bring up the past situations, only present ones
• Practice the points you want to cover in front of mirror
• Never interrupt
• Realize that sometimes it comes down to both of you agreeing to disagree

Keeping these points in mind when you have a conversation will help your dialog go beyond the realm of rant and into an inclusive crucial conversation.

During the holiday season we will all get invited to multiple events where food will be in abundance. The goal is to network and strengthen relationships while just sampling all the holiday eats.

So, here are some rules to follow:

• Eat before you attend
• Keep one hand free to shake
• Never take anything you cannot eat in one bite
• Never eat anything that causes sticky hands
• Drink only one class of wine

Remember these key strategies and you will continue to strengthen your relationships while maintaining your waistline!

Happy Holidays!

Often, I hear the comment that employees who possess executive presence are promoted. Conversely, I will also hear of another individual who did not get to the next level because of a lack of executive presence.

What does it mean when someone has executive presence?

Senior management sees this person as someone who appropriately represents the company, has a presence consistent with the company brand, and is one who can communicate effectively with anyone. Part of this is the ability to cultivate and demonstrate leadership skills.

Appearance (clothes, grooming, body language) make up some but not all of executive presence. Communication skills such as being able to present ideas, whether in a large or small group, in a succinct manner are a critical part of executive presence. In addition to selling ideas, it is necessary to be inclusive to all.

So do you have executive presence?

An easy way to obtain a hint is to ask five people to give you three words that best represent you as a professional. Then examine those fifteen words. Do they include words or phrases that add up to executive presence? If not, then take it as an opportunity to develop the presence you desire.

Up until the late eighties, changes in men’s hairstyles and clothing were very slow in coming. In fact, it used to take about eight years for a dramatic change to occur in the color and cuts of men’s clothing. The same with hairstyles for all age groups. The young adults had either crew cuts or very long hair (for the artistic and possibly the rebel look).

Now changes come quickly. Males between the ages of six to the mid- forties, wear the mildly spiked hair to the bowl cut over the eyes. The looks range from Tom Cruise to Justin Bieber and everyone in-between.

In Japan, the young males under 30 have very dramatic cuts, while those over 40 wear the conservative, traditional styles.

In the professional venue, it has also changed. The traditional hairstyle is still more acceptable but you are seeing more variations of it than before.

My comment to all of this is that your hairstyle should compliment your face and not strive to be your only noticeable feature.

If you take this approach, you will always be smart and in style.

In Japan’s “The Daily Yomiuri” The Language Connection, November 2, it talks about privacy and the key factor of what determines self-disclosure in personal situations.

When do you share items like divorce or deaths in families?

Behavioral scientists Joanna Schug, Maskai Yuki and William Maddusx suggest that “relational mobility” is a key factor in determining the role of self-disclosure in strengthening relationships. In research, it was found that American students were more apt to share personal information. They felt it was a key to strengthening relationships. The Japanese students thought it might be the opposite.

Americans felt their relationships were less strong when there were concealments of major events. The Japansese thought too much self-disclosure might place a burden on the relationship.

For example, when does one share pregnancy in the family or an engagement to be married? Especially, when is that done in the workplace where you are trying to build relationships?

The critical thing is understanding the culture of the individual and the organization. Then you will understand what is appropriate and when you can share personal insights in order to build relationships. This sensitivity will help you be successful with long-term professional and personal connections.

In todays fast paced, professional and social environment, we want to create an instant connection with those we meet. Unfortunately, the intial engagement with those who do not know us can also leave a negative impression.

These are few tips that will help you have a positive impact.

• Your facial expressions must be relaxed and softened with a casual smile – it needs to say, “I want to meet you.”
• Eye contact is critical; so form an easy lock into their eyes with the initial greeting
• Relax your body language
• Maintain an appropriate personal space—about one arm’s length
• Use a proper handshake—firm and easy

Keep these critical elements in mind when you first meet someone. You will create a positve first impression that will last.

After you select the colors that flatter you and determine that your clothing fits like a glove, the final step is style. That is what brings everything together.

Style is an understanding of what works best for you.

It is knowing that your visual impact will always be smart and contemporary.

It is creating an instant impact when someone meets you and gets your look.

It is deciding on the hairstyle, make-up (for women) and eyewear enhancments that complete your style.

Once you understand your color, clothing fit and develop your unique sense of style, you will always create a powerful impact that will always separate you from the crowd.

Civility is an act of kindness (the opposite of rudeness).

Etiquette is rules that have been in place over the last two centuries (knowing which fork to use).

Manners are how you handle etiquette (what to do when your neighbor does not know which fork to use).

It is interesting to note that by definition the terms are different. However, in action they can have the same effect of kindness.

Today I experienced waiting in a very long security line to fly back from North Carolina. Folks were patient and the security people treated everyone with dignity. I thought this was an example of civility, manners and etiquette.

Another example of civility is not getting yelling when listening to a speaker because you do not agree with the content.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the folks running for political office could act more often with civility, manners and etiquette?

You need to have your own personal introduction. Some call it the elevator statement or pitch. I like to think of it as sharing a bit of information about yourself; short, concise and purposeful.

It is critical that you be understood. So, you may have perfect talking points but if they are difficult to hear, it does not matter.

Here are some exercises to make sure you are being heard:

• Pair up with another person – face to face at arm’s length. Say your name. Check in to confirm you can hear each other. Once you have done this, take one step back and do the same exercise. Each time see if the other person can hear you.

You should be able to hear each other without shouting from two arm lengths away. Practice until you are not shouting but are still loud enough so the other person can hear you.

• Check the pace of your words. Often, we talk so fast no one understands us. The brain can absorb 400 words in a five-minute speech. Audio tape yourself and practice twice a week either to speed up or slow down your pace of words.

Practice these two exercises six times a month for three months and you will be heard and remembered.