So many times we forget to ask for what we want without sounding like we don’t deserve it or are entitled to it.

Here are some guidelines to help ensure that an outcome works in your favor:

1. Write down what you want – be specific

2. Get an outside perspective of someone you trust

3. Role play – practice

4. Do not be discouraged if the answer is no – find out why in a non-defensive way

Asking for what you want is critical to success in life. People aren’t mind readers. Often, just asking will help you get what you’re looking for.

Also, when you ask for what you want and the outcome is not what you desired, it could give you an opportunity to go a in different direction and get something better!

Often, folks want to list their work history from very their first job up their current position. Steve Wyrostek of No Cliché Copy an expert in creating resumes that engage the reader, offers these suggestions:

– Showcase your expertise in the summary of qualifications (Do not list your objective.).

– Indicate how your work added to the bottom line of the organization by listing accomplishments.

– Keep the resume to no more 2 pages.

– Do not list school graduation dates more than 10 years old.

– Do not list any details about jobs over 15 years in the past.

Actress, Andie MacDowell, and romantic interest of Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral in Sunday NYT, says: “If you carry around anger and ugly emotions your face will show it.” She calls it keeping control of her monkey mind.

I also believe your face will show sadness, unfriendliness and friendliness. Unfortunately, the majority of those in today’s business world are not showing the face of engagement.

Begin the day with an attitude of excitement while keeping in mind that the purpose is to have a happy day. If you are not sure what your face is showing, stop by a mirror and take a quick. What does it say? Is that what you want it to say?

It is difficult being a leader especially when the times are trying and progress is slow with your team. It has been proven to be helpful to let the group know in a positive way that you need their assistance.

When you have a meeting during a period of team struggle, try this exercise by giving each team member three post-it stickers.

– On one, ask them to write what the team has done well so far.

– On the second one, ask them to write what the team needs to strengthen.

– On the last one, ask them to write what they’d like to see the team focus on.

Post these up on a wall. Have the entire team read them and come to a determination on what they want to focus on. This will help the group continue to bond. And you, as the team leader, will now have buy-in from the group. It creates a win/win situation.

If you are constantly being asked to repeat what you say, generally it is because of three things:

1. You are not speaking loud enough. Counteract this by using your voice as if you were speaking to three people in a crowded room. Do not shout – just project your voice to up a level.

2. You are mumbling. Read a paragraph out loud each day with a pencil in your mouth. This will help stretch your mouth muscles. Do this for a month

3. You talk too fast and run your words together. You can slow down by stretching out a word or two in a sentence.

The next time someone asks you to repeat what you just said, ask them if you have one of these three problems. This will help you select the best exercise so you can be heard.

Apparently, the new communication etiquette in replying is no answer instead of politely declining. In other words, no response is necessary when the answer is no. Well, if you want to buck the trend and stand out a little bit, decline by using one of these responses:

For an invitation:

• Thank you for the invite, but unfortunately, I will not be able to attend.

For a project:

• We value what you provide and we will get back to you when ___________.

When you respond, even though you are delivering a no, it shows you appreciate their efforts.

Bill McDermott, co-CEO of SAP, the software company, said employers “will make bold bets on people who have an unwavering passion for success”. In a recent NYT interview, he shared his thoughts on the subject.

He talked about his unlimited drive for success beginning at the age of 11. What is obvious is that he clearly is a director type who is passionate, competitive and gets the job done. He has clarity in what he wants and hires those who can share their own drive with both clarity and passion. They must love what they do. In my work with clients, the successful ones all have that plus a big picture vision.

I have been a long time Trekkie. The recent movie, Star Trek into Darkness, continues the trend of communication differences and why the relationship between Kirk and Spock has its challenges. In this movie, we see their relationship hit a pothole. However, a threat brings them together as they eventually recognize their differences and acknowledge each other’s strengths.

Spock’s behavioral and communication styles are that of a Thinker. Logical thought processes are important to him. Kirk is a combination of Socializer and Director. He cannot always explain his reasoning because he relies heavily on his instincts. He is highly impulsive but gets the job done.

I continue to be fascinated by their interactions. The lesson in the latest film is to honor each communication style by recognizing its value. If you can do this when working with others, you will experience more successful outcomes.

If you have not seen this movie or the first one, Star Trek by JJ Abrams, you might consider renting it. You will be entertained and at the same time be able to observe different communications styles in action. Who knows, it might help you when similar situations arise in the workplace.

I just finished watching Roger Love onYouTube talking about how to eliminate “ahs and ums” when speaking. These fillers become annoying and distract the listener. My thoughts have always been to stop and breathe. Saying nothing is better than a constant stream of fillers.

These are Roger‘s recommendations:

• Use full sentences.

• Connect your words together.

• Only stop for commons and periods.

• Do not make a sound between sentences.

Honesty is the best policy to a certain point. We want to be able to trust each other in the work place but at the same time, white lies are almost a necessity.

Kenneth Murnighnan, a professor of risk management at Northwestern University was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article “Honesty also best policy” by Rex Huppke. Dr. Murnighnan says the workplace needs employees with enough “social graces” to tell white lies when necessary. He even suggests that leaders and managers want white lies. “Sometimes white lies are really helpful because they prevent people from stirring up trouble you don’t need.”

However, make sure you know when the truth is needed. Often, employees hit a wall in their professional career and are not promoted because they were not given a dose of reality early on. A good leader will be honest with employees about where they need to strengthen their soft skills and hopefully provide the tools and support to help them grow.

Honesty when appropriate is the best policy.