Ben Wechsler writes a newsletter on success and has developed The Wechsler Leadership Program, Creative Problem Solving, and Strategy & Innovation. I recently interviewed him on what experiences led him to develop his coaching and leadership tenets.
Besides Ben being certified in all the above areas, he used his thirty years of technology and life experiences to craft the programs.

What I found refreshing, because, often we don’t appreciate our own steps towards achievement, is that he feels completing one goal can be a significant success. Sometimes, we expect to be the next Steve Jobs or the Oprah’s of the world which can be so defeating. He firmly believes success is when you achieve any measureable goal. Benhttp://benwechsler.com/success-network-how-aware-are-you-of-your-own-success.

Amy Wilkinson is a lecturer at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the author of The Creator’s Code. Amy’s two years of research can be found in the book. It turns out that leadership has nothing to do with age and more to do with mindset, skills and psychographics.

Successful leaders share the ability to:

1. Spot gaps in the market place
2. Maintain a long term vision
3. Iterate quickly
4. Fail smartly
5. Collaborate
6. Be generous

Folks with these skills tend to be revolutionary and attract people to work with them. They have the ability to cultivate, encourage and harness conflict. These leaders are not afraid of the unknown and constantly find solutions. They keep asking questions and probe until the best way to move forward is discovered.

Among recent news was commentary about a very successful company that surpassed Walmart as the biggest in sales and earnings. However, it came out in the news how that firm nurtured combative and take-no-prisoner behavior. The high producers get rewarded and deliver at all costs, often sacrificing health and family. Teamwork and relationship building counts for nothing.

These folks are sharks. Sharks win at all costs and get away with it. Don’t swim with them unless you are sure you can win no matter the cost to someone else. You have to embrace the win/lose mentality. You are the winner and they are the losers.

I was once in sales and a top producer for 10 plus years. I learned from the toughest sales people and attracted sharks as friends. One day I realized that this was not me. The sharkiness came out of me as a matter of self-preservation. Today, I stay away from sharks and if I have to work with them, I don’t fight them. I just stay out of their way.

Hitting the mark is the moment when what you have accomplished the task. It can be engaging the audience and seeing they understand your point. It can be as simple as getting a smile back when you have smiled. The point is to remember that sense of gratification when things don’t hit the mark. It will keep you going to reach that mark.

I work with many clients where I get that sense of gratification in our partnership when they get to a point where they see what needs to be done and embrace it. So many times we tend to look at the missteps as setbacks as instead of steps to get where we need to go. It is all a process. This is why I feel strongly about it. Keep that sense of gratification when you hit the mark of achievement and remember sometimes, it takes steps.

Have you known folks who have the death stare? It’s when someone stares at another with a look that makes you want to shrink down in their seat in terror. (Examples are actors, Kristen Stewart and Sir Patrick Stewart.)  A death stare is different than a poker face. It is more about the eyes that go right through you. Check it out with your friends; ask them what your eyes say. The death stare  has more impact than any words. Use it wisely. (Doris Day never had a death stare while Joan Crawford did.)

Conference calls are a way of life in business, especially when dealing with global partners. Currently, many of my clients have clients who are not English speaking. We have developed a list of key points for English speaking folks to use when talking with those for whom English is not the native language, always:

1. Speak slowly.

2. Ask if he/she is the person handling this project.

3. Display patience on the conference call.

4. Repeat if there is silence after a question. (You may not have been understood.)

5. Be formal.

6. Use simple words.

7. Suggest you are following up instead of saying “We did not receive the papers.”

If possible, try to have at least one face to face meeting to get to know overseas clients. Establishing relationships is a very important lubricator for smooth business dealings, especially in the Asian culture.

1. Not having several personal introductions

2. Not having an ice breaker to start the conversation

3. Not having a business card

4. Not mixing with more than one group (or staying too long in conversation with one group)

5. Not listening enough (non-stop talking)

6. Not asking how, when and why questions

7. Not having a good time (projecting a look that reflects stomach pain might be occurring)

8. Not smiling (instead, wearing a more a grim facial expression)

9. Not making eye contact or looking around the room more than at a conversation partner

10. Not having a crisp handshake

Take away the nots and you can be a star at networking. The process will also become more fun.

One of the perks of long term client relationships is that I sometimes end up working with members of client business teams and even with their family. Recently, I was asked to work with a young man who was a grandson of a client (I worked more than 15 years with my client and her staff.).

Andy is quite talented in writing stories and wonderful artist. However, he is shy, could not look people in the eyes, looked down and had a half-limp handshake. To draw Andy out, I first asked about his art. Then, I requested that he show me some of his written work on his I Pad. I also used a few improv exercises to help him have fun when speaking with confidence. I noticed that he loved his dogs so I suggested that he think about them when he gets nervous.

In the book, Outliers, Malcom Gladwell writes about folks like Andy who have talent at very young age, and who keep working and developing to eventually be quite successful. Now, Andy has a head start in being able to communicate about his work. I believe he will be a very successful writer.

Can you imagine an eleven year old writing nonfiction books using animals as characters? How special is that?

Recently, I was involved in an incident that I considered embarrassing.

I take one on one training on how to use a Mac Air (going on 15 months, now). Because I’ve been a PC user for 25 plus years, it is a completely new way for me to work on a computer.

Technicians who work with me are really very patient. They never make me feel badly when they have to continually repeat answers. So, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bring a bottle of Apple Ice for my main trainer.

However, when he opened the drink, the soda fizzed all over the table, floor and chairs. Instead of being upset, he laughed and turned what I thought was a disaster into a comical situation. He even said it made his day so much better. How wonderful it is to have this sense of humor. It makes life’s little mishaps that much more tolerable and even, at times, more enjoyable.

Often, a person is passionate about their work but may struggle to express that feeling in words. Clients who select me tend to be passionate about their work but want to be able to translate their passion verbally.

They are diligent, though, in writing what their work is about on paper and, at times, will even interview folks who champion them to help define their motivation.

This is not easy. It takes digging deep and using examples and stories and to explain why their work makes a difference. Step two is to practice by choosing and using impactful words that are easy to say. Bring clarity around the why, how and who. Clients that practice and practice then keep practicing become very capable at verbally expressing their passion.