In stressful times, when projects do not go smoothly, someone may get thrown under the bus. If you happen to be this person, here are some critical tips to ensure that it does not turn fatal:

1. Stay calm

2. Do not interrupt when being spoken to

3. Ask questions to get details to either deflect blame or fault the situation

4. Accept responsibility

5. Offer solutions to fix the problem or make sure it never happens again

In a perfect world, we would not have conflicts and would always along with each other. Unfortunately, there are still a few difficult people that we either try to win over or think we can change them. The reality is that folks are who they are.

So what happens when we try to deal with them? The folks who are successful have a laser focus on getting what communication goal they have, accomplished. Geoffrey Tumlin’s new book “Communicating,” offers these three tips in dealing with difficult people:

• Let go, focus on strategy and let difficult people be difficult.

• Keep your expectations low; remember that you are dealing with a painful person.

• Accomplish what you need to do quickly.

Another recommendation is to avoid the dance where they insult you, you ignore it and go on working. For example, if the person says that this is sloppy work. You can come back with: Sorry to have disappointed you; I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Use these tips and you will be able to accomplish your goals with minimal bloodshed.

There are two purposes of an interview exit. One is to ensure that you leave on a good note and the second is to learn how you could strengthen your skills as you move forward.

You never want to be negative, even if the person responsible for the interview was. If the departure was not a positive one, do a mock interview in front of a mirror. Practice the answers to these questions:

– What you liked about your experience in this role

– What you would recommend to clarify and polish that role for the next person.

Being prepared for an exit interview will ensure you leave with your professionalism intact.

Often, we think honesty is a good thing. However, it is only good if it leads to a solution to the issue. Many times we want situations to improve but we can’t quite pinpoint why. Honesty can be effective if you follow these guidelines:

– The opinion is based on facts not emotions

– Is this fact a new one? If it has been discussed before – what is the purpose of sharing it again?

– If it is a retread issue – do you have a solution this time around?

To help hold these and other types of serious discussions, I highly recommend the book: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition, Patterson and McMillan.

Apparently, the new communication etiquette in replying is no answer instead of politely declining. In other words, no response is necessary when the answer is no. Well, if you want to buck the trend and stand out a little bit, decline by using one of these responses:

For an invitation:

• Thank you for the invite, but unfortunately, I will not be able to attend.

For a project:

• We value what you provide and we will get back to you when ___________.

When you respond, even though you are delivering a no, it shows you appreciate their efforts.

I have been a long time Trekkie. The recent movie, Star Trek into Darkness, continues the trend of communication differences and why the relationship between Kirk and Spock has its challenges. In this movie, we see their relationship hit a pothole. However, a threat brings them together as they eventually recognize their differences and acknowledge each other’s strengths.

Spock’s behavioral and communication styles are that of a Thinker. Logical thought processes are important to him. Kirk is a combination of Socializer and Director. He cannot always explain his reasoning because he relies heavily on his instincts. He is highly impulsive but gets the job done.

I continue to be fascinated by their interactions. The lesson in the latest film is to honor each communication style by recognizing its value. If you can do this when working with others, you will experience more successful outcomes.

If you have not seen this movie or the first one, Star Trek by JJ Abrams, you might consider renting it. You will be entertained and at the same time be able to observe different communications styles in action. Who knows, it might help you when similar situations arise in the workplace.

Honesty is the best policy to a certain point. We want to be able to trust each other in the work place but at the same time, white lies are almost a necessity.

Kenneth Murnighnan, a professor of risk management at Northwestern University was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article “Honesty also best policy” by Rex Huppke. Dr. Murnighnan says the workplace needs employees with enough “social graces” to tell white lies when necessary. He even suggests that leaders and managers want white lies. “Sometimes white lies are really helpful because they prevent people from stirring up trouble you don’t need.”

However, make sure you know when the truth is needed. Often, employees hit a wall in their professional career and are not promoted because they were not given a dose of reality early on. A good leader will be honest with employees about where they need to strengthen their soft skills and hopefully provide the tools and support to help them grow.

Honesty when appropriate is the best policy.

My father’s strong suit was never business but he had remarkable people skills. When he walked into a room, strangers would instantly be drawn to him. A true people person, my father, Suey, remembered names, family stories and some detail he could use to start a personal conversation.

Being a sole proprietor can be a lonely existence sometimes. He compensated for this by being active in the Rotary, American Legion, Kiwanis and in the Chinese-American Community.

These are the critical people skills that I learned from this wonderful man:

– Always be the first to greet someone, never wait for him/her to come to you.

– Establish eye contact instantly.

– Never be stingy with smiles. Make them great and flash them often.

– Always repeat a name. This helps ensure it’s pronounced correctly and that it stays in memory.

– Take on responsibilities in organizations. It’s a great way to meet folks and become engaged.

Today, when I am in a room full of strangers and especially when I am going to present, I try and introduce myself to as many people as possible.

When I greet someone, I remember my father because it brings a smile to my face which helps me be fully present with that person.

Eye contact is always important in these situations:

• When first meeting a person, good eye contact gives an instant connection. In some cases it is how you will be remembered.

• When you are presenting, eye contact helps you engage each member of the audience. Even if you cannot see them, they can see you.

• When you are having a very intense conversation, whether sad or happy, the impact of it will be felt with serious eye contact.

If someone has asked not to have you assigned to them, it is best to go along with it. However, some think that finding out what your detractors say is critical to professional growth. If that’s the case in your situation, ask your manager to find out what the issue is and share the feedback with you.

You can also address the issue yourself but that can be a little tricky. You have to go into it with a very open, non-threatening, non-judgmental spirit. And even then, the person may not want to speak with you face to face about it.