It can be challenging when you are on the phone with someone who struggle to get to the point. It is important to let the person finish before you ask any questions.  However, if you sense the person is rambling, give them at least a minute and a half to finish or when there is a pause, step in with a specific question. Take notes when they are talking and really listen. Ask a question that will hopefully steer the conversation toward the point. It is ultimately up to you to help ramblers be more succinct by using their words to ask specific questions.

When you avoid the elephant in the room, it consumes the air, leaving no room to breathe. Always begin the conversation when everyone feels safe. Obtain the permission of the others to listen to what you have to say. Give them the option to ask questions after you have finished speaking. Never be hostile or confrontational. Listen when they are finished. Thank them for sharing, then ask questions to ensure clarity.

It would be ideal to never be saddled with a bad boss. The type of manager who never appreciates what you do, who overloads you with unreasonable expectations and timelines and who sends you numerous emails late at night. This kind of leader can be brilliant, maybe even another version of a Steve Jobs, which is where value can shine through the craziness. You could be exposed to situations that provide insights into moments of high achievement.

As an example, when I was in sales, the owner was very demanding. However, as painful as it sometimes was, the skills I developed dealing with him helped turn me into a top sales person and trainer in less than two years, in a position I went on to hold for ten years. Even today, after twenty-five years, I still use many of those sales tools to procure and retain business.

Recently, I had a service person come in (happened to be the owner) who began to tell me what I had done wrong instead of saying there may be a problem but we will do our best to fix it. Can you imagine a consultant or coach like myself right off the bat, telling a client that s/he has tremendous problems? Or you, as a new team leader or team member telling the group: We have problems we cannot begin to solve?

I am not saying that we need to be a Pollyanna but can’t anything somehow be made better? I understand the owner might have been under tremendous pressure but if he doesn’t work for repeat customers, that pressure may just get a lot bigger and lead to more serious problems.

Among recent news was commentary about a very successful company that surpassed Walmart as the biggest in sales and earnings. However, it came out in the news how that firm nurtured combative and take-no-prisoner behavior. The high producers get rewarded and deliver at all costs, often sacrificing health and family. Teamwork and relationship building counts for nothing.

These folks are sharks. Sharks win at all costs and get away with it. Don’t swim with them unless you are sure you can win no matter the cost to someone else. You have to embrace the win/lose mentality. You are the winner and they are the losers.

I was once in sales and a top producer for 10 plus years. I learned from the toughest sales people and attracted sharks as friends. One day I realized that this was not me. The sharkiness came out of me as a matter of self-preservation. Today, I stay away from sharks and if I have to work with them, I don’t fight them. I just stay out of their way.

Asking intrusive ones are definitely a relationship destroyer. Recently, a colleague lost his position through a major reorganization of his firm. He had been with the company for 30 plus years. It really was his whole life and, in fact, defined him.

Instead of peers helping him manage through this life-altering loss, all they could do was ask questions like, do you have enough funds to live on, what could you have done to prevent this and have you begun to think about the future?

However, the best question would have been, how can I help? He was basically in an unwanted divorce. The next time you have a friend going through a major change, don’t add to the pain by asking intrusive questions; instead, be a comfort.

Today, I was at the Judicial Courthouse supporting a friend going through a difficult time. In the building, the only folks who can use a cell phone are attorneys. While in the elevator, I noticed a young woman wearing dressy open toe sandals (more for night wear), very worn jeans and a makeshift jacket who tossed hair and shifted her armload of papers and began using her phone. I casually asked, “You must be an attorney? “Yes,” she replied. I was thinking OMG.

When I got off the elevator, I saw that my friends’ attorney was wearing a lightweight dark suit, modern under pining and great ALG flats. She had long hair and was beautifully groomed.

We saw an attorney (with a phone in her hands) on another elevator ride who gave off an air of poise and confidence. I would hire her in a minute.

My friend thought maybe the first attorney I saw was only an associate. That may be true but it is still no excuse; you always want to look like you are ready to take the next step.

I am probably going to date myself but hot pants with boots were the rage in the 70’s. Are they back? Hot pants featured fabric just two to three inches below the crotch. Today’s young and not so young women are wearing shorts that have no more than an inch of fabric covering their butts. It is not a pretty sight.

In fact, it’s totally inappropriate for business. A young woman was even fired for wearing these very short shorts. She was upset that there was not a dress policy addressing how short these pants should be. (Funny that young men are wearing shorts that hit their knees and hang way too long)

This is one reason why people in other countries see Americans as sloppy.

You may have heard the expression “musical chairs”… well, I have a new one “musical times”. This refers to individuals who continually move times and days for appointments because their schedules constantly change. In addition, folks who do this, never seem to arrive at the designated appointment times anyway.

This is the number one career killer in my mind. Being on time is being respectful and professional. Years ago, I was coaching with a number of account managers. While waiting in the executive dining room for the client, the hostess said while the clients were always on time, it was the managers who were always late.

When you are late, it sends a message your time is more important than the person you are meeting. Recently, I worked with coaching client who was always on time for scheduled appointments. I let her know how impressive it was and that it showed true leadership skills. The client told me that her staff and boss complimented her on it also.

Being on time sends a message you are managing your time effectively which is a the sign of a true professional.

1. Not having several personal introductions

2. Not having an ice breaker to start the conversation

3. Not having a business card

4. Not mixing with more than one group (or staying too long in conversation with one group)

5. Not listening enough (non-stop talking)

6. Not asking how, when and why questions

7. Not having a good time (projecting a look that reflects stomach pain might be occurring)

8. Not smiling (instead, wearing a more a grim facial expression)

9. Not making eye contact or looking around the room more than at a conversation partner

10. Not having a crisp handshake

Take away the nots and you can be a star at networking. The process will also become more fun.