Holding a grudge really hurts the wronged person not the person responsible for the problem. It is not easy to let go of a grudge. However, it is tough to take the high road and rise above the it, especially when you feel hurt.

If you can get past it, though, the rewards are tremendous! Besides the respect of peers and leaders, you will love yourself more. Being wronged will happen many more times in life. And remember, it has been medically proven that folks who let go of hurts live longer and happier lives.

Simon Sinek suggested that “Learning has greater value when we share what we learned”. Sharing learnings creates value for the person delivering and for the receiver (s). However, sometimes, people forget about the importance of the way and when the learnings are delivered.

When this information is given at a time a mistake has been made, it will look like a correction. The best time is to discuss in a sharing environment. The point I bring up to my clients and in workshops is to share what we have recently experienced that continues to help us learn.

Recognize that sharks are folks who use their power positions to ensure they will succeed, especially during a conflict or in a competition. Some sharks have developed through the environment they were born into. They manipulate people / situations and are masters at spin. Staying aware and taking precautions will help you avoid sharks by just staying out of their way.

When finding a solution to a problem or making a critical decision, think of the long-term impact. When I was in sales, helping folks determine the next step in a purchase, I knew they needed to answer how the decision would affect them in a year. This is a question I always ask myself and my clients when they are struggling or just taking the next step.

Each of us need to find a way to stay motivated and open for fresh ideas and strategies to apply to our work or personal life. These are the five things that continue work for me:

1. Finding the fun element in a task
2. Taking a break (can be an hour or a day)
3. Doing something totally unrelated to the project
4. Rewarding myself
5. Seeking outside resources

In a perfect world, mistakes are never made. However, in the real-world, mistakes are critical to growth and learning. It is also important to recognize that when a mistake is made, an apology might be needed. Apologies can be verbal or written. Sometimes, even a gift is sent with a note. The most important element is that the apology is offered. Too many times that does not occur, and that becomes the real mistake.

In everyday communications, when there is no conflict, leading by example is easy. It is when conflicts arise and extreme differences of opinion emerge, that a true leader takes charge by example while taking the high road:

The No’s
No name calling
No assigning blames
No screaming or shouting
No using social media to air out differences

The Do’s
Do stay calm
Do take a breath and think before speaking
Do listen before speaking
Do ask about solutions
Do bring in support for both sides of the discussion

In working with a client experiencing high stress and in a no-win situation, it became clear that a time out was needed for some personal care, a massage in this case. We let all the parties involved know that we would come up with a solution at the end of the week.

The client had the authority and the funds to ask team members to take the day off and send in suggestions by email for the client to review for the Friday meeting. The client and all parties needed to take a break from their 24/7 work schedule to ensure the decisions were the best for the project. The project was successful and all parties felt empowered by the outcome.

Understanding cultural differences and similarities helps bridge communications. For example, I am a first-generation Chinese born and raised in Chicago and sometimes work with natural born Chinese (born in China) even though the individual may be in the US for an extended time.

We may look and even sound similar, but we think and communicate very differently. I am  direct, a distinctly US quality. Individuals from another culture may agree even though they disagree to save face. The main similarity is that we both want to succeed but get there in different manners. To connect and avoid a saving face situation, present a solution in a way that will achieve the main goal.

Asking the right question without putting words in one’s mouth is critical. Choosing to steer a discussion takes practice and critical listening skills. Ask a question by using phrases like: what is on your mind, what are you thinking or what is the first thing that comes to mind. This helps spur serious, insightful and meaningful discussion.