In today’s divisive political climate, changing the subject is a good way to give everyone a message that we need to agree by disagreeing and stop discussing a topic that only leads down the rabbit hole.

Once, at a dinner party, a hot and very difficult political subject arose. Words were exchanged between two folks that I thought would be tough to take back. I immediately asked: Does everyone like blueberries with their dessert? That worked, and immediately changed the subject.

Walking into a room feeling good sets the tone for the rest of not only the event, but the remainder of the day. Remember, the first  impression of the day is the one you set for yourself. As author, Malcom Gladwell, suggested, “The first impression is a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

If you feel confident, those around you will too. Good fit and the right color of clothing choices are critical to feeling good about yourself. The correct clothing formula strengthens your comfort, well-being, and self-confidence to own the room you walk into!

In everyday communications, when there is no conflict, leading by example is easy. It is when conflicts arise and extreme differences of opinion emerge, that a true leader takes charge by example while taking the high road:

The No’s
No name calling
No assigning blames
No screaming or shouting
No using social media to air out differences

The Do’s
Do stay calm
Do take a breath and think before speaking
Do listen before speaking
Do ask about solutions
Do bring in support for both sides of the discussion

In working with a client experiencing high stress and in a no-win situation, it became clear that a time out was needed for some personal care, a massage in this case. We let all the parties involved know that we would come up with a solution at the end of the week.

The client had the authority and the funds to ask team members to take the day off and send in suggestions by email for the client to review for the Friday meeting. The client and all parties needed to take a break from their 24/7 work schedule to ensure the decisions were the best for the project. The project was successful and all parties felt empowered by the outcome.

Building relationships takes time with folks getting to know you from a professional side first. Second, you can interact virtually by speaking to their responses. Use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn to expand the knowledge circle. Each media has a distinct culture and purpose, making it important to match your information sharing goals. The main purpose is to get folks to know you and you to know them by sharing personal and professional sides of each other.

Understanding cultural differences and similarities helps bridge communications. For example, I am a first-generation Chinese born and raised in Chicago and sometimes work with natural born Chinese (born in China) even though the individual may be in the US for an extended time.

We may look and even sound similar, but we think and communicate very differently. I am  direct, a distinctly US quality. Individuals from another culture may agree even though they disagree to save face. The main similarity is that we both want to succeed but get there in different manners. To connect and avoid a saving face situation, present a solution in a way that will achieve the main goal.

Volunteering is wonderful because it provides so many benefits to the volunteer and the organization.

For the volunteer, socialization, networking, teamwork, and in many cases, leadership development opportunities exist. The organization gets extra set of hands, another point of view, and awareness to others outside the organization.

I have benefited tremendously with my involvement with Toastmasters, AICI, the Chicago Minority Development Council, DuPage College, and the Graham Association for People with Disabilities. All help me in my work with corporations.

A tailor is a best friend in ensuring the right fit in hem lengths, around the waist and the for the width of a jacket sleeve. The right fit takes pounds off a person and the wrong fit does the opposite. The wrong fit also projects the clothing in a frumpy, dated way, no matter how expensive the item.

Asking the right question without putting words in one’s mouth is critical. Choosing to steer a discussion takes practice and critical listening skills. Ask a question by using phrases like: what is on your mind, what are you thinking or what is the first thing that comes to mind. This helps spur serious, insightful and meaningful discussion.

Handling difficult feedback is important to overall success. Recently, I worked with a client who choose not to deal with this type of feedback. In fact, he never got upset but instead deflected the critical comments.

By disregarding the feedback, he displayed a blind spot large enough to hold him back in his career. Always listen to difficult feedback by focusing on the valid points and using it as a helpful tool in securing career success and encouraging personal development.