Asking intrusive ones are definitely a relationship destroyer. Recently, a colleague lost his position through a major reorganization of his firm. He had been with the company for 30 plus years. It really was his whole life and, in fact, defined him.

Instead of peers helping him manage through this life-altering loss, all they could do was ask questions like, do you have enough funds to live on, what could you have done to prevent this and have you begun to think about the future?

However, the best question would have been, how can I help? He was basically in an unwanted divorce. The next time you have a friend going through a major change, don’t add to the pain by asking intrusive questions; instead, be a comfort.

Hitting the mark is the moment when what you have accomplished the task. It can be engaging the audience and seeing they understand your point. It can be as simple as getting a smile back when you have smiled. The point is to remember that sense of gratification when things don’t hit the mark. It will keep you going to reach that mark.

I work with many clients where I get that sense of gratification in our partnership when they get to a point where they see what needs to be done and embrace it. So many times we tend to look at the missteps as setbacks as instead of steps to get where we need to go. It is all a process. This is why I feel strongly about it. Keep that sense of gratification when you hit the mark of achievement and remember sometimes, it takes steps.

Today, I was at the Judicial Courthouse supporting a friend going through a difficult time. In the building, the only folks who can use a cell phone are attorneys. While in the elevator, I noticed a young woman wearing dressy open toe sandals (more for night wear), very worn jeans and a makeshift jacket who tossed hair and shifted her armload of papers and began using her phone. I casually asked, “You must be an attorney? “Yes,” she replied. I was thinking OMG.

When I got off the elevator, I saw that my friends’ attorney was wearing a lightweight dark suit, modern under pining and great ALG flats. She had long hair and was beautifully groomed.

We saw an attorney (with a phone in her hands) on another elevator ride who gave off an air of poise and confidence. I would hire her in a minute.

My friend thought maybe the first attorney I saw was only an associate. That may be true but it is still no excuse; you always want to look like you are ready to take the next step.

“Don’t be afraid to go for positions, jobs or take on clients just outside of your knowledge base. Confidence is overrated. It is when we most uncomfortable and looking for answers that we learn and grow the most.” Barbara Corocoran

Confidence is built by doing. The more you practice, the better you will get. I recently worked with a young, very smart CPA who practiced a presentation about the nuances of cultural differences between English speaking and non-English speaking folks. This also happened to be her first time speaking to a client group.

She did the hard work by practicing with me then did a dry run in her office. Not only did she ended up hitting a home run with the client, the Senior Vice President has asked her to speak at a regional conference!

Conference calls are a way of life in business, especially when dealing with global partners. Currently, many of my clients have clients who are not English speaking. We have developed a list of key points for English speaking folks to use when talking with those for whom English is not the native language, always:

1. Speak slowly.

2. Ask if he/she is the person handling this project.

3. Display patience on the conference call.

4. Repeat if there is silence after a question. (You may not have been understood.)

5. Be formal.

6. Use simple words.

7. Suggest you are following up instead of saying “We did not receive the papers.”

If possible, try to have at least one face to face meeting to get to know overseas clients. Establishing relationships is a very important lubricator for smooth business dealings, especially in the Asian culture.

Recently, I was with a client and her staff. The question came up about professional dress: Is it a requirement to wear a tie or can a sport jacket or suit be acceptable without a tie? Sometimes, clients are dressed without a jacket but always in a shirt and tie. What should they wear to always be acceptable and not under or overdressed?

In a first time meeting, always wear a full suit with a tie. If it is a very casual environment, a gray suit or a navy blazer with gray dress slacks can be worn instead. When making a first time presentation, it is suggested to always wear a blazer in very casual settings without a tie. You can always remove your tie or take off your jacket if the environment is very casual.

Walking in the first time in full dress sets the stage that you are the expert. It is more difficult to appear to be the professional if you come in with just a shirt and dress slacks because jackets always project the leader and subject matter expert look.

1. Not having several personal introductions

2. Not having an ice breaker to start the conversation

3. Not having a business card

4. Not mixing with more than one group (or staying too long in conversation with one group)

5. Not listening enough (non-stop talking)

6. Not asking how, when and why questions

7. Not having a good time (projecting a look that reflects stomach pain might be occurring)

8. Not smiling (instead, wearing a more a grim facial expression)

9. Not making eye contact or looking around the room more than at a conversation partner

10. Not having a crisp handshake

Take away the nots and you can be a star at networking. The process will also become more fun.

One of the perks of long term client relationships is that I sometimes end up working with members of client business teams and even with their family. Recently, I was asked to work with a young man who was a grandson of a client (I worked more than 15 years with my client and her staff.).

Andy is quite talented in writing stories and wonderful artist. However, he is shy, could not look people in the eyes, looked down and had a half-limp handshake. To draw Andy out, I first asked about his art. Then, I requested that he show me some of his written work on his I Pad. I also used a few improv exercises to help him have fun when speaking with confidence. I noticed that he loved his dogs so I suggested that he think about them when he gets nervous.

In the book, Outliers, Malcom Gladwell writes about folks like Andy who have talent at very young age, and who keep working and developing to eventually be quite successful. Now, Andy has a head start in being able to communicate about his work. I believe he will be a very successful writer.

Can you imagine an eleven year old writing nonfiction books using animals as characters? How special is that?

Recently, I was involved in an incident that I considered embarrassing.

I take one on one training on how to use a Mac Air (going on 15 months, now). Because I’ve been a PC user for 25 plus years, it is a completely new way for me to work on a computer.

Technicians who work with me are really very patient. They never make me feel badly when they have to continually repeat answers. So, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bring a bottle of Apple Ice for my main trainer.

However, when he opened the drink, the soda fizzed all over the table, floor and chairs. Instead of being upset, he laughed and turned what I thought was a disaster into a comical situation. He even said it made his day so much better. How wonderful it is to have this sense of humor. It makes life’s little mishaps that much more tolerable and even, at times, more enjoyable.

Often, a person is passionate about their work but may struggle to express that feeling in words. Clients who select me tend to be passionate about their work but want to be able to translate their passion verbally.

They are diligent, though, in writing what their work is about on paper and, at times, will even interview folks who champion them to help define their motivation.

This is not easy. It takes digging deep and using examples and stories and to explain why their work makes a difference. Step two is to practice by choosing and using impactful words that are easy to say. Bring clarity around the why, how and who. Clients that practice and practice then keep practicing become very capable at verbally expressing their passion.