Actress, Andie MacDowell, and romantic interest of Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral in Sunday NYT, says: “If you carry around anger and ugly emotions your face will show it.” She calls it keeping control of her monkey mind.

I also believe your face will show sadness, unfriendliness and friendliness. Unfortunately, the majority of those in today’s business world are not showing the face of engagement.

Begin the day with an attitude of excitement while keeping in mind that the purpose is to have a happy day. If you are not sure what your face is showing, stop by a mirror and take a quick. What does it say? Is that what you want it to say?

If you are constantly being asked to repeat what you say, generally it is because of three things:

1. You are not speaking loud enough. Counteract this by using your voice as if you were speaking to three people in a crowded room. Do not shout – just project your voice to up a level.

2. You are mumbling. Read a paragraph out loud each day with a pencil in your mouth. This will help stretch your mouth muscles. Do this for a month

3. You talk too fast and run your words together. You can slow down by stretching out a word or two in a sentence.

The next time someone asks you to repeat what you just said, ask them if you have one of these three problems. This will help you select the best exercise so you can be heard.

Apparently, the new communication etiquette in replying is no answer instead of politely declining. In other words, no response is necessary when the answer is no. Well, if you want to buck the trend and stand out a little bit, decline by using one of these responses:

For an invitation:

• Thank you for the invite, but unfortunately, I will not be able to attend.

For a project:

• We value what you provide and we will get back to you when ___________.

When you respond, even though you are delivering a no, it shows you appreciate their efforts.

I have been a long time Trekkie. The recent movie, Star Trek into Darkness, continues the trend of communication differences and why the relationship between Kirk and Spock has its challenges. In this movie, we see their relationship hit a pothole. However, a threat brings them together as they eventually recognize their differences and acknowledge each other’s strengths.

Spock’s behavioral and communication styles are that of a Thinker. Logical thought processes are important to him. Kirk is a combination of Socializer and Director. He cannot always explain his reasoning because he relies heavily on his instincts. He is highly impulsive but gets the job done.

I continue to be fascinated by their interactions. The lesson in the latest film is to honor each communication style by recognizing its value. If you can do this when working with others, you will experience more successful outcomes.

If you have not seen this movie or the first one, Star Trek by JJ Abrams, you might consider renting it. You will be entertained and at the same time be able to observe different communications styles in action. Who knows, it might help you when similar situations arise in the workplace.

Honesty is the best policy to a certain point. We want to be able to trust each other in the work place but at the same time, white lies are almost a necessity.

Kenneth Murnighnan, a professor of risk management at Northwestern University was quoted in the Chicago Tribune article “Honesty also best policy” by Rex Huppke. Dr. Murnighnan says the workplace needs employees with enough “social graces” to tell white lies when necessary. He even suggests that leaders and managers want white lies. “Sometimes white lies are really helpful because they prevent people from stirring up trouble you don’t need.”

However, make sure you know when the truth is needed. Often, employees hit a wall in their professional career and are not promoted because they were not given a dose of reality early on. A good leader will be honest with employees about where they need to strengthen their soft skills and hopefully provide the tools and support to help them grow.

Honesty when appropriate is the best policy.

My father’s strong suit was never business but he had remarkable people skills. When he walked into a room, strangers would instantly be drawn to him. A true people person, my father, Suey, remembered names, family stories and some detail he could use to start a personal conversation.

Being a sole proprietor can be a lonely existence sometimes. He compensated for this by being active in the Rotary, American Legion, Kiwanis and in the Chinese-American Community.

These are the critical people skills that I learned from this wonderful man:

– Always be the first to greet someone, never wait for him/her to come to you.

– Establish eye contact instantly.

– Never be stingy with smiles. Make them great and flash them often.

– Always repeat a name. This helps ensure it’s pronounced correctly and that it stays in memory.

– Take on responsibilities in organizations. It’s a great way to meet folks and become engaged.

Today, when I am in a room full of strangers and especially when I am going to present, I try and introduce myself to as many people as possible.

When I greet someone, I remember my father because it brings a smile to my face which helps me be fully present with that person.

Eye contact is always important in these situations:

• When first meeting a person, good eye contact gives an instant connection. In some cases it is how you will be remembered.

• When you are presenting, eye contact helps you engage each member of the audience. Even if you cannot see them, they can see you.

• When you are having a very intense conversation, whether sad or happy, the impact of it will be felt with serious eye contact.

Do’s

• Do wear a name tag on your left side. The reason for this is so when the person shakes your hand they can easily read your name.

• Say your name when shaking hands to help the person remember it.

• If the name tag is on a string or lanyard, wear it chest high so it’s easy to see.

Don’ts

• Don’t wear it so it sits at the middle of your stomach or below.

• Don’t put it in your pocket so no one can see it.

I remember how I use to dislike having to wear a name badge. Now, years later, the name tag has become a must in networking sessions because it helps me remember someone’s name.

However, at a recent event, while each of us wrote our names on the tags, probably 90% of the names were difficult to read!

When writing your name on a name badge, print your first name only (and maybe the first initial of your last name) using large letters. That’s because most name tags are not large enough to print your first and last name. You can always share your last name at the appropriate time.

If someone has asked not to have you assigned to them, it is best to go along with it. However, some think that finding out what your detractors say is critical to professional growth. If that’s the case in your situation, ask your manager to find out what the issue is and share the feedback with you.

You can also address the issue yourself but that can be a little tricky. You have to go into it with a very open, non-threatening, non-judgmental spirit. And even then, the person may not want to speak with you face to face about it.