In last Sunday’s New York Times there was a piece by the Ethicist: Why is it important to treat people how they want to be treated versus treating them the way you would want to be treated?

It all comes down to understanding communication styles. So many times, messages are not received because folks resist adapting to a way of communicating that is different than their own.

The Platinum Rule, which is to treat others the way they want to be treated, is critical to win/win communications. I realized this a few years ago in communicating with my sisters. Once I understood their communication preference, I found it much easier to have a dialog under stressful situations. Visit www.personalimagesinc.com to learn more about the Platinum Rule.

In stressful times, when projects do not go smoothly, someone may get thrown under the bus. If you happen to be this person, here are some critical tips to ensure that it does not turn fatal:

1. Stay calm

2. Do not interrupt when being spoken to

3. Ask questions to get details to either deflect blame or fault the situation

4. Accept responsibility

5. Offer solutions to fix the problem or make sure it never happens again

In a perfect world, we would not have conflicts and would always along with each other. Unfortunately, there are still a few difficult people that we either try to win over or think we can change them. The reality is that folks are who they are.

So what happens when we try to deal with them? The folks who are successful have a laser focus on getting what communication goal they have, accomplished. Geoffrey Tumlin’s new book “Communicating,” offers these three tips in dealing with difficult people:

• Let go, focus on strategy and let difficult people be difficult.

• Keep your expectations low; remember that you are dealing with a painful person.

• Accomplish what you need to do quickly.

Another recommendation is to avoid the dance where they insult you, you ignore it and go on working. For example, if the person says that this is sloppy work. You can come back with: Sorry to have disappointed you; I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Use these tips and you will be able to accomplish your goals with minimal bloodshed.

In the Chicago Tribune, Sunday, September 8th business section, Edward Trullman (Chairman of Tribeca Flashpoint Media Arts Academy in Chicago) wrote about five ways to make the most of Demo Day. Demo Day is when folks get to pitch for business funding to Venture capitalists.

The five ways can help ensure a participant will hit it out of the ball park when s/he makes a pitch. They are also exactly what we work on with clients who are either interviewing for the next position or seeking to sell a project.

1. Be short, sweet and grab the audience early – know your story.

2. One template does not fit all – you may have tell your story in different ways.

3. Don’t let the way you dress be a distraction – this also goes for hair and grooming. Leave the green nail polish for clubbing and guys, trim the beard. No reading glasses – purchase progressive ones.

4. Stay away from case studies. Start with results – leave the details for later discussion.

5. Name your supporters – In Tullman’s piece, he talks about naming investors. Familiarity is critical especially because the folks you are pitching to want to a way to connect with you. Everyone wants to play with a winner.

If you have a chance watch Shark Tank on Friday nights. You will see that the folks who get one or two of the sharks to invest embrace these points.

There are two purposes of an interview exit. One is to ensure that you leave on a good note and the second is to learn how you could strengthen your skills as you move forward.

You never want to be negative, even if the person responsible for the interview was. If the departure was not a positive one, do a mock interview in front of a mirror. Practice the answers to these questions:

– What you liked about your experience in this role

– What you would recommend to clarify and polish that role for the next person.

Being prepared for an exit interview will ensure you leave with your professionalism intact.

Often, we think honesty is a good thing. However, it is only good if it leads to a solution to the issue. Many times we want situations to improve but we can’t quite pinpoint why. Honesty can be effective if you follow these guidelines:

– The opinion is based on facts not emotions

– Is this fact a new one? If it has been discussed before – what is the purpose of sharing it again?

– If it is a retread issue – do you have a solution this time around?

To help hold these and other types of serious discussions, I highly recommend the book: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition, Patterson and McMillan.

Telling your personal story is critical in establishing context to you as a brand. You want to craft it so it can be told in its entirety or in segments, depending on the audience. It needs to relevant for the purpose.

(Remember, that in all cases we are always being interviewed, whether formally or in conversation, for the next project or role we want.)

Below are three must-have personal story elements to address:

– What makes you the special sauce that everyone needs?

– What are three success stories that can validate and prove your case?

– Describe your brief history that brings to your story up-to-date.

Write the answer to these three points on paper. Continue to edit them until they become a sharp snapshot of your personal story. Then practice out loud until it sounds authentic.

The last and most important step is to videotape yourself. Videotaping is the most critical piece because it enables you to see how others view you—how you look, sound and act. This is what your audience will experience.

The best story engages the audience and is told in less than five minutes.

Do you have a personal calling card that you can give to those you want to reach you? This is a card that is not related to your professional life. You can give it out socially. Include your name, phone number and personal e-mail address on the card.

Vista Print (www.vistaprint.com) is a great online source that offers many designs for cards like this.

So many times we forget to ask for what we want without sounding like we don’t deserve it or are entitled to it.

Here are some guidelines to help ensure that an outcome works in your favor:

1. Write down what you want – be specific

2. Get an outside perspective of someone you trust

3. Role play – practice

4. Do not be discouraged if the answer is no – find out why in a non-defensive way

Asking for what you want is critical to success in life. People aren’t mind readers. Often, just asking will help you get what you’re looking for.

Also, when you ask for what you want and the outcome is not what you desired, it could give you an opportunity to go a in different direction and get something better!

Often, folks want to list their work history from very their first job up their current position. Steve Wyrostek of No Cliché Copy an expert in creating resumes that engage the reader, offers these suggestions:

– Showcase your expertise in the summary of qualifications (Do not list your objective.).

– Indicate how your work added to the bottom line of the organization by listing accomplishments.

– Keep the resume to no more 2 pages.

– Do not list school graduation dates more than 10 years old.

– Do not list any details about jobs over 15 years in the past.