We all know someone is always upset. They are constantly yelling or angry. They hold others responsible for problems that they- the chronically inflamed—have created.

Or, the person who lets everyone know that they are the only one who knows how to do something perfectly.

We cannot change them. But we do want to be sure we do not become one of them.

Be aware of the following triggers so you will not become one of the chronically inflamed:

• Raising your voice when talking to someone about a problem
• Looking for the fault in a situation that is not related to you
• Saying- I would of done it this way and it would have been perfect

Life is challenging. Unfortunately, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of being upset all the time and blaming everyone else. Instead, if we look at solutions for problems, we will avoid being one of the folks everyone calls chronically inflamed.

“A first impression is a self–filling prophecy.”

Malcolm Gladwell, author of the bestselling books, Blink and The Tipping Point, wrote this. It is so true. How many times have I witnessed the difference between a confident and a non-confident person entering a room? You can see the difference with the poor body language and lack of facial expression being displayed by the person lacking confidence.

Confident people can lead and motivate those around them. What is it that gives these people confidence?

Is it that new piece of clothing in the right color and fit that showcases you perfectly? Can it be as simple as a new haircut and style, a new piece of jewelry or reading a book that validates your work?

Many times it is a combination of possessing both a feel good and an authentic attitude.
Keeping track of your wins and learning from your mistakes is also critical.

I also say that if you own your confidence in an inclusive manner, the world will offer you so many opportunities that you cannot imagine.

The Phone Voice

Often, it is rare to be able to hear the other party on the phone with as much clarity as you would like. You hear either mumbling, a strong accent or you cannot hear the speaker at all.

(In fact, recently, when choosing a new electronic device, I went with the company that claimed the best phone connection clarity.)

So, how can you be sure your phone voice is a good one? Here are some tips to help you with this:

You can call yourself on your cell phone to practice or buy yourself a voice recorder. Sony, Panasonic and RCA are good ones and cost less than $50.00.

Ask yourself these questions:

– Can you hear yourself clearly?
– Is the pace of your words measured?
– Does your voice sound approachable?
– Are the tone and pitch of your voice pleasing?

If you answer yes to all these questions then your voice is a winner. If you are not sure, then call someone you know, leave a voice message and ask them the same questions. You must get three positive responses out of four. Then practice the “no” response to obtain the winning phone voice everyone wants to hear.

Today it is important to have an opening statement about yourself that distinguishes you from your competitors. Successful pitches provide the audience an insight about you, your values, your achievements and why you are the person they should hire.

These are the three critical questions to consider:

• At the end of the interview will they want to have a cup of coffee with you?
• Have your achievements made a significant difference in any organization?
• How many folks know about you and respect your reputation?

The folks who are successful in obtaining the next position and continue to move forward include these three elements in their opening piece about themselves.

They are the executives who are memorable and highly sought after in any organization.

A personal introduction is a good way to get people to know you. Some call it the elevator speech. It is a good idea to have more than one. For example, you might have an intro prepared for business meetings, networking and one just for social situations.

The key points are:

• A business meeting: Your name, title and what you bring to the meeting
• A business networking event: Your name and what you do (no title)
• A social event: Your name and where you are from

Talking points to add to your personal introduction for:

• Networking events: A business situation you have been involved in that will get the audience to understand what you do and the impact you make
• Social events: A fun and interesting thing you are involved with; it could be a vacation or book you have read

The main purpose of your personal introduction and talking points is to get folks to get to know you in an inclusive way. When you are able to do this, it will widen your circle of influence.

Whether it is your appearance, communications or behavior, dependability is a critical factor in how you are perceived. People begin to trust you when they can count on your consistency. This does not mean you cannot change they way you look or sound but the difference must be not too far astray from your core.

For example, many times people will comment when you change your appearance, whether it is an update or a complete hair style change. Usually the comments are positive. What gets us in trouble is when the alterations are not seamless to your brand, the industry culture or the environment.

In fact, there are many folks who have been successful in business because their image has not changed or become dated. An example of this is Apple’s, Steve Jobs. His black turtleneck or T has been the same for 20 plus years.

Do not become one of the bad examples of misguided brand or image changes. Dependable, image conscious communication and behavior is the strongest example of true professionalism and in developing personal relationships.

What is it we need to do earn a vote of confidence from our audience? It is how we look, sound or is it what we say? Do actions count or is it an emotional reaction that instills confidence?

Today, the time we spend with folks is very limited so each interaction must count. Stephen Covey says we must invest in relationships like a bank making deposits so when you need to withdraw funds are available.

How we talk and act on what we say consistently begins to build confidence with those we have relationships with in all areas of business and life. When we do this in every interaction, we will have the confidence of our audience 90% of the time.

The Wall Street Journal, July 7th “Keeping Your Foot Away From Your Mouth” piece,is about recent gaffes by the CEO of BP and Michelle Obama. Mishaps like these have a viral shelf life that never fades especially if they come from a notable person. “Miss-speaks” always seem to make for a press worthy situation.

Some words of caution. When you’re in a very volatile situation work from a script you can share among colleagues or a communication coach. Practice hearing yourself verbalize it at least three times. If there is a policy involved, get your statement approved by the appropriate personnel. I really believe that 90% of time gaffes are an innocent mistake.

So, get in the mental habit of practicing your talking points. It will help prevent you from using a poor choice of words at the worst possible time.

Here are some tips:

Do for Women
• Your hairstyle must look current and be your every day style.
• Wear makeup that looks natural.
• If you wear glasses all the time wear them in the picture (be sure they are non-reflective).
• Wear appropriate clothing familiar to the audience.
• Go on the web to see how others in your industry look.

Do for Men
• Wear a touch of cover-stick to mask skin discoloration.
• If you have a mustache or beard make sure it is trimmed neatly.
• Chose clothing that creates the image your audience understands.
• Always wear either a jacket or collared shirt.
• If you wear glasses all the time, wear them in the picture (be sure they are non-reflective).

Don’t
• Choose a new style hairdo for the picture.
• Do a glamour photo.
• Overdo accessories (for example, dangling earrings).
• Wear patterns.

If you can follow these guidelines, the picture will connect you to your audience before you have even met them.

Recently, Sara Lee’s CEO disclosed she had a stroke. The controversy is whether Brenda Barnes should have released this information sooner rather than later. We understand she has a commitment to the board of directors, her employees and stock holders because of her high profile status, but what should the average employee disclose?

It is important to be upfront if you have a long term illness especially if you know it will affect your ability to do the required work. But to be on the safe side, you might want to check with your HR department for guidance.

When disclosing personal health issues stick with the facts. Be careful not to put too much of an emotional burden on the person with whom you are sharing the information. Always thank them for their support. When you do this they will usually be more than willing to support you through a difficult time.