Recently, I met with a senior leader who engaged me to work with a high potential member of the team he viewed as a potential successor. The problem is that this potential only shows up at important functions and meetings. Otherwise, he may be there somewhat physically but definitely not present at all mentally. My point is that every time you are in front of someone you must be in the moment. Often you are judged in everyday situations rather than the high visibility ones. How you engage everyday both visually and verbally are keys to building positive relationships which lead to success in every aspect of business and social intercourse.

Do you ask yourself what you want to accomplish when you walk into a room? What is it you want the world to know about you? What first impression are you creating?

Often, when I ask one of these questions to a client I receive a puzzled look. For myself, I seek approachability combined with an “I am in charge” presence. It projects with a confident walk, a smile on my face and contemporary and understated dress that connects me to the world.

How about you?

Recently, I was asked why communication skills matter when you only have five minutes to meet with senior leaders to discuss a project. Quite frankly, when I was asked, I was taken aback. Five minutes is a long time— a lifetime in some arenas!

You want to make an impression that says I am the person you want  in your world. To do that, how you sound, look and speak is critical. Given that you look, dress and act the part, the next step is to determine what point you want to get across in your five minutes of exposure.

Consider something like this: “This project meets the needs of this research or… this project tells us what we need to do to move forward.”  Bring your best self to the table. When you can do this – it shows you are a leader.

• Look the part
• Be confident
• Know what you are going to say in one complete sentence. Then wait for a response

Lesa Frances Kennedy, CEO of the International Speedway Corporation and Vice Chairwoman of NASCAR, answered the question: How do you hire?

“First impressions are so important in terms of fitting in on the team. The moment you walk in the door; you’re being observed. You may not know that, and it’s not anything formal, but I’ll get feedback. You read the body language of some of the people they’ve met, like a receptionist, and you can pick up very subtle cues about how they felt about that person. Was the person respectful?”

As you read this quote from the NYT Corner Office, Sunday, October 25th, consider the first impressions you create no matter who you meet. Does your first impression project confidence and approachability? Are you someone they want work with in the best of times as well as when problems arise?

Have you known folks who have the death stare? It’s when someone stares at another with a look that makes you want to shrink down in their seat in terror. (Examples are actors, Kristen Stewart and Sir Patrick Stewart.)  A death stare is different than a poker face. It is more about the eyes that go right through you. Check it out with your friends; ask them what your eyes say. The death stare  has more impact than any words. Use it wisely. (Doris Day never had a death stare while Joan Crawford did.)

Eyes can say much more than words. A look can be absorbed even before the person speaks. Samantha, (There’s a picture of her in this blog.) has these amazing eyes that look right through you. She does not talk much but stares and barks when annoyed. Her eyes do all of the heavy lifting.

Capture your look by using the eyes to obtain the effect you desire like effective actors, politicians and business people do. Joy, disappointment, sadness, authenticity and dishonesty and most other emotions are first reflected in the eyes. A good way to learn about the eyes is by watching films, live theatre and television programs.

There is always room for improving processes that go into making a great project. Not long ago, I worked on a project that a few years later would be upgraded. When being reworked, the new team began to tell me all the processes that did not work in in the first iteration. I never said anything even though I worked on the first effort which came out well. I thought, things change and nothing really needed to be said about the prior project. Change happens, handle it with grace.

It is often said that our eyes are the window to the world. They are also are how folks read you. Eye contact is critical when first meeting someone because it shows engagement and that you are focused on what they are saying. It also will help you remember names and something about them.

Eyes, when looking down, up, to the right or to the left, do not send a good message. In some cases, it shows nervousness and even deception in a reply.

The most important asset of your body language is the facial expression. So many times I have been asked to work with clients who have a poker face. The reason the poker face is such a negative part of body language, is that it puts up a wall to communicating. People cannot read or connect with you when there is no expression on your face. When there is a lack of emotions, there is no communications. A true leader must be able to communicate.