It is critical to get feedback and use it to strengthen a project or program. A client shared the three questions she asks her students in a class she teaches about feedback. The questions are simple, non-threatening, but very effective. They are:

– What would you like to start?
– What would you like me to stop doing?
– What would you like me to continue to do?

Recently, my office had new vents installed to accommodate a separate heating zone for the space. This means bookcases no longer rest against walls lest they block the vents. I decided that this was also the perfect time to purge my hundreds of books that included writings on leadership, speaking, color, fashion, etiquette, and communication.

It turns out it was not difficult even though I am a book junkie, retaining some tomes for more than 30 years! The ones that stayed included books by Tony Robbins, Simon Sinek, Dale Carnegie, and from a favorite, Steven Covey.

I also kept books on first impressions and favorite inspirational and organizational quotes. Gone were books that didn’t stand the test of time. Gone were old tapes from conferences, manuals, and hundreds of badges and keepsakes. After sorting it all out, I took 15 bags of books to a new home at the hospital thrift shop!

Good conversations while dining with a client are important in forging relationships. The main folks to focus on are the individuals to the right and left of you. If the noise level is low, include both parties in the discussion.

Refrain from conversing to someone directly across the table especially if the table sits ten. The rule is to never discuss religion, politics or intimate personal issues. If asked about any of these subjects, it is best to deflect and begin a new topic and always err on the inclusive side.

Recently, I was with a group of professional men and women. One of the women turned to me and asked how I knew so much about sports, the stock market, etc. Being fortunate enough to have clients in several sectors, including the automobile industry, I found that small talk is critical to forging relationships.

Talking about diets, weight gain, or the latest color unless it is for a uniform project, would not be of interest. Not now or ever, in fact, due to the volatile political climate, is politics considered small talk.

The beginning of a new year makes it easy to go down the rabbit hole of: what did I accomplish last year? That’s because we tend to look at the things we did not achieve instead of the things we did do.

So, how do we stop ourselves and look at the future? First is to recognize the signs or triggers that start you down that rabbit hole. Once recognized, use three tools: talk to someone, write down your feelings and three distract yourself.

• Talk to someone – Call your go to person to help walk through this feeling
• Write it down – Journaling can also halt the downward spiral
• Distract – Do something that will instigate feelings of control and joy

Each of these different methods will help prevent the journey down the rabbit hole and bring long term benefits.

Many work and personal relationships are built on attracting the opposite person like an extrovert with an introvert, a thinker with a doer or people driven by feelings with those that apply logic. These relationships combine to balance each other and complete a circle.

What about successful relationships consisting of similar types of people such as a thinker with a thinker or an introvert with an introvert? These tend to bring safety, comfort and dependability to both parties in the relationship.

Relationships that grow and can experience more wins are usually the ones composed of opposites in thinking and actions. Are they the easiest? Usually not, but they can be the most productive.

The dictionary definition of fluidity means the ability to flow easily, Flexibility means the capability of blending without breaking.

In the business world, professionals exceed expectations when they can manage corporate life by recognizing and applying the difference between fluid and flexibility.

The difference between flexibility and fluidity is that after understanding the timeline or specific ideal, flexibility indicates the give and take on the progress and adaptability in a much larger space. Fluidity suggests the absence of a real guideline and the constant movement toward securing the goal.

Keeping grounded is being aware of the triggers that prevent you from going down a rabbit hole. What is a trigger and how do you know what it is?

It can be a panicky feeling, talking too fast or allowing procrastinating to seep into your life. Once the trigger is determined, then put in a distraction until you return to stability. Using golf as an example, it is never the bad shot that causes the problem. It is what you do on the next shot. Keeping grounded takes practice and the more practice, the more grounded you’ll feel.

When strengthening a skill, I use a scale from 1 to 10 and judge where I am at. If it’s a 6 for instance, I think about what I need to do to get to an 8? So many times, when we stretch too far and have high expectations, it leads to a quick start and a faster stop. Begin this new year by picking one item you want to work on and take it up two notches making sure the tasks and time frame are doable.

Happy New Year. Welcome 2018 with a safe celebration with loved ones. Begin the new with good health, gratitude and joy.