Up until the late eighties, changes in men’s hairstyles and clothing were very slow in coming. In fact, it used to take about eight years for a dramatic change to occur in the color and cuts of men’s clothing. The same with hairstyles for all age groups. The young adults had either crew cuts or very long hair (for the artistic and possibly the rebel look).

Now changes come quickly. Males between the ages of six to the mid- forties, wear the mildly spiked hair to the bowl cut over the eyes. The looks range from Tom Cruise to Justin Bieber and everyone in-between.

In Japan, the young males under 30 have very dramatic cuts, while those over 40 wear the conservative, traditional styles.

In the professional venue, it has also changed. The traditional hairstyle is still more acceptable but you are seeing more variations of it than before.

My comment to all of this is that your hairstyle should compliment your face and not strive to be your only noticeable feature.

If you take this approach, you will always be smart and in style.

In Japan’s “The Daily Yomiuri” The Language Connection, November 2, it talks about privacy and the key factor of what determines self-disclosure in personal situations.

When do you share items like divorce or deaths in families?

Behavioral scientists Joanna Schug, Maskai Yuki and William Maddusx suggest that “relational mobility” is a key factor in determining the role of self-disclosure in strengthening relationships. In research, it was found that American students were more apt to share personal information. They felt it was a key to strengthening relationships. The Japanese students thought it might be the opposite.

Americans felt their relationships were less strong when there were concealments of major events. The Japansese thought too much self-disclosure might place a burden on the relationship.

For example, when does one share pregnancy in the family or an engagement to be married? Especially, when is that done in the workplace where you are trying to build relationships?

The critical thing is understanding the culture of the individual and the organization. Then you will understand what is appropriate and when you can share personal insights in order to build relationships. This sensitivity will help you be successful with long-term professional and personal connections.

In todays fast paced, professional and social environment, we want to create an instant connection with those we meet. Unfortunately, the intial engagement with those who do not know us can also leave a negative impression.

These are few tips that will help you have a positive impact.

• Your facial expressions must be relaxed and softened with a casual smile – it needs to say, “I want to meet you.”
• Eye contact is critical; so form an easy lock into their eyes with the initial greeting
• Relax your body language
• Maintain an appropriate personal space—about one arm’s length
• Use a proper handshake—firm and easy

Keep these critical elements in mind when you first meet someone. You will create a positve first impression that will last.

After you select the colors that flatter you and determine that your clothing fits like a glove, the final step is style. That is what brings everything together.

Style is an understanding of what works best for you.

It is knowing that your visual impact will always be smart and contemporary.

It is creating an instant impact when someone meets you and gets your look.

It is deciding on the hairstyle, make-up (for women) and eyewear enhancments that complete your style.

Once you understand your color, clothing fit and develop your unique sense of style, you will always create a powerful impact that will always separate you from the crowd.

It is very rare that you will be able to buy clothing right off the rack and have it fit like a glove. (The tailor/seamstress should be your best friend!)

Here are some common mistakes on fit that will make you appear heavier than you are:

• Slacks that look too wide
• Skirts that are too boxy
• Shirts that have too much material in the back and on the sides.

In addition, sleeves and hem lengths on skirts and slacks are some other areas people neglect. Besides looking sloppy, neglecting sleeves and hems will also make you look heavier.

Avoid these fashion fit faux pas and your clothing will always look like it was custom made for you.

These are three key things you can to do to elevate your presence that will set you apart from your peers without you having to spend a ton of money. We will cover them in the next three blogs.

Wearing the right color:

• Will add color to your skin (even when you are worn to a frazzle)
• Can make you look thinner
• Can make you look taller

Color can send messages:

• Dark colors create authority
• Light colors create approachability
• High contrast colors will create drama

When you use color to your advantage, it will become your best friend. It will add subtle impressions and project strength. It will add richness to your overall impact.

“Orange combines the energy of red and the happiness of yellow. It is associated with joy, sunshine, and the tropics. Orange represents enthusiasm, fascination, happiness, creativity, determination, attraction, success, encouragement, and stimulation.”

When we think of orange pumpkins, Halloween comes to mind. Orange by definition is a wonderful color. It can be worn with many colors other than black.

If you wear it with navy, brown and grey, you will not look like Halloween. You will look smart.

Here are some suggestions for wearing orange:

• Orange sweater combination with navy, camel or gray slacks
• A touch of orange in a tie for men
• A knit orange scarf wrapped around a neck
• Light orange nail polish for fun (women only)
• Darker orange sweater set with gray (women only)

Matching orange with these different color combinations will remind us of the fall season and bring a smile to those around us.

Civility is an act of kindness (the opposite of rudeness).

Etiquette is rules that have been in place over the last two centuries (knowing which fork to use).

Manners are how you handle etiquette (what to do when your neighbor does not know which fork to use).

It is interesting to note that by definition the terms are different. However, in action they can have the same effect of kindness.

Today I experienced waiting in a very long security line to fly back from North Carolina. Folks were patient and the security people treated everyone with dignity. I thought this was an example of civility, manners and etiquette.

Another example of civility is not getting yelling when listening to a speaker because you do not agree with the content.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the folks running for political office could act more often with civility, manners and etiquette?

You need to have your own personal introduction. Some call it the elevator statement or pitch. I like to think of it as sharing a bit of information about yourself; short, concise and purposeful.

It is critical that you be understood. So, you may have perfect talking points but if they are difficult to hear, it does not matter.

Here are some exercises to make sure you are being heard:

• Pair up with another person – face to face at arm’s length. Say your name. Check in to confirm you can hear each other. Once you have done this, take one step back and do the same exercise. Each time see if the other person can hear you.

You should be able to hear each other without shouting from two arm lengths away. Practice until you are not shouting but are still loud enough so the other person can hear you.

• Check the pace of your words. Often, we talk so fast no one understands us. The brain can absorb 400 words in a five-minute speech. Audio tape yourself and practice twice a week either to speed up or slow down your pace of words.

Practice these two exercises six times a month for three months and you will be heard and remembered.

We all know someone is always upset. They are constantly yelling or angry. They hold others responsible for problems that they- the chronically inflamed—have created.

Or, the person who lets everyone know that they are the only one who knows how to do something perfectly.

We cannot change them. But we do want to be sure we do not become one of them.

Be aware of the following triggers so you will not become one of the chronically inflamed:

• Raising your voice when talking to someone about a problem
• Looking for the fault in a situation that is not related to you
• Saying- I would of done it this way and it would have been perfect

Life is challenging. Unfortunately, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of being upset all the time and blaming everyone else. Instead, if we look at solutions for problems, we will avoid being one of the folks everyone calls chronically inflamed.