Recently, I was with a group of professional men and women. One of the women turned to me and asked how I knew so much about sports, the stock market, etc. Being fortunate enough to have clients in several sectors, including the automobile industry, I found that small talk is critical to forging relationships.

Talking about diets, weight gain, or the latest color unless it is for a uniform project, would not be of interest. Not now or ever, in fact, due to the volatile political climate, is politics considered small talk.

The personal space standard, when standing with a person or groups in conversation, is one arm’s length. Business today continues to be gender neutral with sensitivity whether in formal or casual settings. The only touch would be a handshake depending the culture of the individuals involved. This guideline is even more important today to prevent any misunderstandings.

The beginning of a new year makes it easy to go down the rabbit hole of: what did I accomplish last year? That’s because we tend to look at the things we did not achieve instead of the things we did do.

So, how do we stop ourselves and look at the future? First is to recognize the signs or triggers that start you down that rabbit hole. Once recognized, use three tools: talk to someone, write down your feelings and three distract yourself.

• Talk to someone – Call your go to person to help walk through this feeling
• Write it down – Journaling can also halt the downward spiral
• Distract – Do something that will instigate feelings of control and joy

Each of these different methods will help prevent the journey down the rabbit hole and bring long term benefits.

Many work and personal relationships are built on attracting the opposite person like an extrovert with an introvert, a thinker with a doer or people driven by feelings with those that apply logic. These relationships combine to balance each other and complete a circle.

What about successful relationships consisting of similar types of people such as a thinker with a thinker or an introvert with an introvert? These tend to bring safety, comfort and dependability to both parties in the relationship.

Relationships that grow and can experience more wins are usually the ones composed of opposites in thinking and actions. Are they the easiest? Usually not, but they can be the most productive.

My five favorite books that provide the professional and personal skills and insights on building relationships are:

• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey
• The Tipping Point – Malcom Gladwell
• Blink – Malcom Gladwell
• Start with Why – Simon Sinek
• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

The dictionary definition of fluidity means the ability to flow easily, Flexibility means the capability of blending without breaking.

In the business world, professionals exceed expectations when they can manage corporate life by recognizing and applying the difference between fluid and flexibility.

The difference between flexibility and fluidity is that after understanding the timeline or specific ideal, flexibility indicates the give and take on the progress and adaptability in a much larger space. Fluidity suggests the absence of a real guideline and the constant movement toward securing the goal.

Gray nail polish with a blacker color to it is trending again. Michele Obama first wore the lighter gray nine years ago while making a major speech at a convention. This color looks best on lighter skin tones. On darker skin, it might look like a bruised nail. Another trend (a favorite of mine) are the different neutral shades. If you have lighter skin, choose a companion neutral to enhance the skin tones.

Use the rule of thumb about one wearing one dominant color with two companion choices. The new trend for impact is red with camel instead of black. The red shines and it has a more contemporary feel to it. Red with a complementary gray is another good choice.

I have seen red with pink or with orange which is dramatic and can make an intimidating statement. Yellow with gray is a favorite of mine. Yellow with black (the bumble bee look) will make a statement that can hit you over your head but yellow with gray projects a more elegant feel.

Keeping grounded is being aware of the triggers that prevent you from going down a rabbit hole. What is a trigger and how do you know what it is?

It can be a panicky feeling, talking too fast or allowing procrastinating to seep into your life. Once the trigger is determined, then put in a distraction until you return to stability. Using golf as an example, it is never the bad shot that causes the problem. It is what you do on the next shot. Keeping grounded takes practice and the more practice, the more grounded you’ll feel.

When strengthening a skill, I use a scale from 1 to 10 and judge where I am at. If it’s a 6 for instance, I think about what I need to do to get to an 8? So many times, when we stretch too far and have high expectations, it leads to a quick start and a faster stop. Begin this new year by picking one item you want to work on and take it up two notches making sure the tasks and time frame are doable.